life and provision

I spent some much-needed time out in my yard today, tending and weeding and enjoying the warm weather and sunshine for a change. It felt good to touch and inhale the wonderful aroma of healthy black garden soil once again. I was not able to plant a winter garden this last fall and have missed it! On top of having way too much on my plate life-wise, we have had a very cold winter here on the Florida panhandle. I know that most of the rest of the country has been snowed in, but still. This Floridian blood is too thin for unending days of freezing rain and bone-chilling, sunless 20's and 30s.

I now have a whole patch of the garden weeded and ready for planting. I am thinking that various greens seedlings (collards, chard, kale, spinach, and several lettuces) can go into the ground in the next several weeks.

Why does my yard get all the ant hills?!? I need better ant killer this year.

Burned the last of the 12 trash bags of old business records from the bakery. Since Trish has been sick for so long, we are just now catching up with sorting through all the accounting records and throwing out too-old-and-not-needed years of receipts and paperwork that only can be burned or shredded. It took me almost a month to get around to start burning it all in my barrel, but today I finished the last three bags! I love the smell of fire. Gotta get my fire pit set up and use it!

A roofer friend is bartering for repairing and re-roofing the shed. It has been in bad shape for many years now, something Dad didn't take care of before he passed. Whole sections of roof decking are rotten, and the second story has leak stains everywhere now. I don't like organizing this sort of thing, maybe because I grew up in a family that had pretty clear jurisdictions and boundaries (my area was NOT the outdoors upkeep!). It is difficult for me to see the need to invest in a piece of property that serves as storage, but if we don't keep it up, where would we store all our tools, Christmas decor, old furniture, and stuff?! It's going to get metal roofing that will last much longer this time.

Want to replace the wooden fencing that has fallen or is falling down around the family house, but after getting an estimate, that is going to have to wait. Everything costs too much, and I certainly don't have enough finances to fund it all by myself.

Sarah's and my house at 2110 is now on the market. I don't think that the realtor that was chosen is going to be aggressive enough, but I can;t worry about it. I am fully expecting God to sell it since He has promised me that He will! At first, I felt like I was being bullied into selling it, but then Abba spoke to me and let me know that His hand was in it. I need to be free of the financial burden that it has become. Sarah wants to be free of it now that she is getting married and has no use for it anymore. I try not to think in my finite human terms...almost a decade of investment down the drain and so much money lost on what was supposed to be a long-term real estate investment. I am praying that we can sell it for as much as we owe on it at this point in this economy. I have nothing left financially since I support both Mom and Tricia and receive no help from the other siblings (as Dad expected, I guess). God will provide, our Jehovah Rapha.

I joined a women's Bible study at Hillcrest these last six week, a teaching by Priscilla Shirer on Gideon. It was amazing! Am so glad I bit the bullet and squeezed it into my schedule, even though I have felt a bit frenetic in other areas of life as a result.  The theme of it has been "My weakness, God's Faithfulness." It has been timely in my life.

I now have a Twitter account! Yes, you read that right! Partly because of the weekly Bible study Tweets and partly because I have wanted to join for awhile now, in addition to my Instagraming and Facebooking. I remember my painfully introverted self of the past and chuckle!

My Young Living business is beginning to take off now; I told my fam that it is a little scary how fast it is picking up! I am teaching once-a-month classes at the school now; taught one in January, and on in Pace several weeks ago. We had 16 women (and 1 man!) at this week's class on Dr. Mom and Women's Health. So many people need help...I know this is another ministry from the Lord!

everything IS spiritual

I have been reading all the recent news articles about Rob Bell's interview with Oprah, a woman whom I consider to be the epitome of most-modern hedonism. Here is one such ARTICLE.

I had to watch the clips for myself, to hear Mr. Bell say that God's inerrant Word is not relevant for today's culture. Broke my heart to hear it.

This all brings to mind the months following Daddy's earthly passing, the long evenings and weekends of crying and grieving and missing and wishing. And then a friend, who was struggling with her own demons, loaned me her copy of Rob Bell's speech, "Everything is Spiritual."

I must have watched it close to a dozen times in the several months that I had it borrowed. Over and over.

The message spoke to my heart, plucking the out-of-tune strings of my emotions and tightening them up. It helped me to pull myself together, to know that God is good, even in the midst of the pain and sorrow.

Thank you, friend, for sharing it with me. You know who you are!

God can use anything...anyone...to perform His work whenever and wherever He wills. Even a blasphemer.

May God have mercy on Mr. Bell's soul and may he repent from the error of his ways.

goals and planners

I started the Gideon Bible study last week. I think it promises to be wonderful. Mama and Minita are going with me, and I love the peppy lady Pam that facilitates the study.

Sarah bridal shower is next Saturday. I met with Tammy at the church to look at all the decor that is available, and I have been collecting everything that I have and want to use. I am feeling good about it, and the other bridesmaids are planning to be involved with helping. Tomorrow is a holiday, so I can get more done (photos printed, etc.)

Things are moving forward towards selling Sarah and my house, 2110. Her Mark has owned a house for several years, and they don't want to start married life with the responsibility and burden of two mortgage payments. At first, I was pissed, since I will be losing almost a decade of equity into a real estate investment (that was all it ever was for me, since I love the family home and want to live there). I asked the Lord what to do, and for a long time I heard nothing. Then, boom! Around the first of the year He spoke pretty loudly, and not just to me. Mama, Tricia, and I all are reading the McCheyne plan for reading through the Bible, so within a week's time we all had heard the same thing out of 2 Chronicles. It was cool. But Sarah and Mark have still been worried about it all because it affects their finances and could affect their wedding date. I am at peace that God will sell it sooner rather than later!!!

My Cognitive Psych class started in Monday as well. I love studying the brain and mind and love this professor, Dr. Russell, as well!

This week was busy. On Monday I had b

Bible study and came home to start my class. On Tuesday I went to an ENT appointment with a new doc, Dr. Bots at Baptist, to get my ears cleaned out before I have any more problems with them. That night I taught a "Basic Essential Ouls" class, and 11 ladies attended. On Friday I picked up orders across town: a Frontier Co-op order and some Ortho Jelly from Old Thyme Remedies. I finally got an iPhone 6 as well. That has been several years overdue, since I dunked my 4S in a pool while chaperoning at a school event. It is not a personal purchase since I mainly use it for school business every day of the the week, so that is a nice perk of working for a non-profit. Then yesterday, after studying cognitive neuroscience all day and taking a test, we took Sarah out for her 33rd birthday and went bridesmaid dress shopping. I think that I might have the dress that I want...a pretty lace-bodice chiffon dress with a fishtail back. 

Today is my Sabbath. I am doing Bible study homework, setting goals for the week, bridal shower prep, cleaning out the fridge, and sorting through a pile of paperwork and receipts that has piled up in the last month. 

happy new year

Here it is. The beginning of a new year. A year of new beginnings.

2014 was a doozy. I can say that I am glad, heartily glad to see it go. It was such a hard year, trying my soul and spiritual mettle to breaking. And my dreams and goals have grown and broadened.

We rang in the new year with Alex and the Horn kids. We had watched all nine hours of the the LOTR extended trilogy and ate lots of snacks. It was a great start to 2015!

GROWTH
I was asked what is my WHY several times, especially towards the end of the year. It is a question that the Young Living hierarchy beats on their encouragement drums. I read my first MLM business-building book in October. The Four Year Career by Richard Brooke was a quick yet inspiring read. I look forward to expanding my knowledge about essential oils, as well as building this business.

As I thought about my WHY, I discovered several things about myself. First, I am not as organized as I would like to be. I have spent many hours over this holiday sorting through piles of paperwork, receipts, mail, old bills, and school papers that should never have been allowed to accumulate. I can do better than this, I know.

The second thing that I realized is that I cannot do everything. I cannot do more than I can do. And sometimes, I need to sit and sip a cup of hit tea and think about nothing. It's not about how groomed my yard is, or how beautiful my garden is, whether I get everything done that I need to do, making an "A" on every paper and test, or signing up new YL members at every class I teach. It is about trusting God and taking each day as it is given to me.

A BETTER ORGANIZED LIFE
I am starting my journey towards a more organized life with a 2015 Calendar Planner. I purchased it today and am excited to use it. I confess, I have never used one. Ever. I have always journaled and blogged in various levels of writing fervor, but I have never, to my knowledge, written down my goals, appointments, and busyness.

CIAS & MY CAREER
During October's FCCPSA training workshop, I learned several new organization tools that we have already implemented and will continue to develop. I designed and published a brand new CIAS website. I am very proud of it. I spent over a month this past summer working on it, deconstructing the old one and creating a fresh new advertisement profile and informational website. For the very first time, we also transitioned into online reporting system. I am not entirely pleased with the record-keeping website that we chose (it was the only one that I knew of at the time), but I have since found another that I think will better suit our record-keeping needs. I also created a professional profile for the school (to be used for NCAA and such) and wrote a new Scope and Sequence manual, complete with learning objectives for each grade level. There is more to do on it, tweaking it to my liking, but the first edition is published.

Getting the last graduating class through school was quite a feat. Many of them were unmotivated, and some have just finished this December. Prom in April was a bomb in more ways than one. I was asked, by the organizing committee, to leave the premises twice. The gall of some people. I had forty students with me and have always stayed to watch over them. Other that that poisonous sting, it was a fun evening. But...the kids have decided that we will throw our own prom this spring. Oh, boy! There will be more about that to come, I am sure.

Summer was largely absent from school this fall, as her mother was in the last stages of cancer treatment before she died in October. Kristen has been my right hand woman, especially since Tricia has not been at 100%. One noted miracle of the year happened on one day that Kristen could not come to work, and that next morning, it was as if Tricia rose from a deathbed to teach again. I was in awe of Jehovah Jireh!

FINANCES
I have been working very hard to pay off all my credit cards. I hate my debt, and I hate that I let myself get into debt. Student loans are bad enough, without having my former spending habits haunting me. I have been gaining control and have been doing so much better, each year gaining  more and more control and disciplined over my finances. I started working on paying it all down/off three years ago. In 2014 I have paid off three two cards completely, and they are now out of circulation, so to speak.

Tricia finally qualified for disabilities. Poor thing. She can't work very much anymore, her physical body is so weak and stiff. But her disabilities is a pittance. I want her to get a lawyer, and her neuro suggests it. So I have taken the brunt of supporting the family. I barter with one of my school families, and their boys help me with landscaping and yard work. So the yard is getting tamed, more to my liking. And Tricia gains strength and continues to maintain the bookkeeping and taxes and all her accounting duties. Things I have never had the patience for.

I also refinanced the 2110 house this year (Okay, I HAVE gotten a lot done this year!!!). We are saving ourselves several hundred dollars a month now, and Sarah has kept renters all year, but I have profited little from that income. I have funded several home repairs and remodels at the 2012 house in 2014. That is where I live with Mom and Tricia. Half the house is unused, so we cordon it off to save money. We finally had the tile shower finished in the newly combined bathroom that Daniel had started so many years ago, as well as a dozen other projects that Bryan M fixed for us. Daniel came over and ran my dryer lint hose out the back of the house, so that it would not continue to blow into the rec room and make a mess. It is so much nicer, and I am thankful to him.

HEALTH, OR LACK THEREOF
Tricia and her bushel-full of health issues almost swallowed the summer in its entirety. What an ordeal she has been through, and what effort Mama and I have put out to save her health!!! In March, I put Tricia on a stricter Paleo diet, and in April I joined Young Living to use essential oils on Tricia. By the time May rolled around, Tricia was off her feet. By June, she was bedridden. After 90 days, we began to see results from our drastic efforts. It was a very difficult three months. Thank Hashem for His mercy and grace throughout that trial. I thought I was going to have a heart attack from all the pressure.

She was finally diagnosed with a general diagnosis of inflammatory arthritis and is now on methotrexate to help with pain, swelling, and stiffness levels. Her colonoscopy report came back good for the first time since diagnosis: no ulcers (last report, her colon was "fully involved"). Her MS is not currently active, although its effects are ever present with a stumbling gait and neuropathy in her legs (burning). 

I have continued to maintain weight loss throughout the year. THM has been a God-send! I have pulled down 75 pounds all together so far, and I have kept it off. I am sixteen months into my THM and weightloss journey. Over the holidays, I felt very good and had lots of energy. I am so pleased that God has shown me what to do to get healthier.

FAMILY
Our nieces continue to delight us. It brings great joy to me to see them grow up to be sweet, kind, and loving girls. Corrie Lynn has accepted Jesus as her Savior and is such a sensitive doll. Juliana Mae has been learning to be sweet and more tolerant of others. She is a determined and cheerful girl, and her impromptu kisses and declarations of love are heart-melting. Leah Kathleen is our baby, and she knows it! Her main phrase now is, "I don't like it." She loves baby dolls, so Mrs. "Aubee Santa" put together pink bunk doll beds and a high chair for Little Miss' Christmas. It is so cute to watch her play with them!

We are glad Cori and Brian are close by in Magnolia Springs. It makes for a better aunti-life. And Cori's emotional support has been a life-saver for me! :-)

Sarah started dating a fellow named Mark Garcia in August. They are now engaged and planning to be married in March. On the Saturday after Thanksgiving, we all went with her to find a wedding gown. She will be lovely on her special day, and I am one of her maids of honor. This has been a growing experience for the family nucleus and will continue to be so, I believe, as time passes. I love my baby sister and am determined to have the mind of Christ in all things.

I did not quite get my Christmas tree decorated this holiday. We bought a beautiful tall Noble fir right after Thanksgiving, and I put lights on it. But ornaments? No. I was sad that I had no time, and when I did, I did not feel well or had other, more pressing things to do. I told Cori that I should hire her to do my decorating next year! :-) We did put out the lighted Christmas nativity in the yard ( for the first time in many years) and candle lights in all the front windows. And also decorated the school quite nicely earlier in the month.

Mama continues to age. I feel for her increasing feebleness. She helps me care for Tricia and is our main chauffeur. Right now, she has injured her knee, so I am driving them around. I do not like that role, as I am not used to going out so much.

PERSONAL
I am plugging away at my psychology degree. I love my psych classes, as well as my Biblical studies classes. This fall, I took Theories of Personality (loved!) and then Intro to Philosophy (hated!). This spring I take Cognitive Psychology and Psalms. I should love both! I have begun searching for a Masters program that I am interested in, since I am near the end. I am tossing around pursuing a MSW. Regent and Liberty are on the block. Student loans mount, but my trust is in the Lord. He knows what I need and when I need it.

Adding essential oils to my daily routine has been life-saving. I feel better and was able to overcome a bout of depression that tried to oppress me this fall pretty quickly. I am on a better routine of supplements now, as I can afford them.

Instagram and Facebook both saw quite a bit of me, snatches of time here and there. I started The MaryBeeBuzz profile for my Young Living business, as well as established a Young Living website. I read 50% of the Bible through. I had wanted to read it all the way through, but I did better than last year, so that is what I focus on. I did not get to read as much as I would have liked, mostly due to my studies. Most evenings are consumed with reading and writing for classes. I am thankful for holidays and summer terms, free from the grind.

I have decided to make new five and ten year plans. I had thought that by the time I am 45, I wanted to foster or adopt (if I am unmarried). But now I think I will focus on finishing a Masters and then begin familial pursuits. Then maybe I will work on a doctorate in counseling. That could take me to 50, eleven years from now. And my dream of running a family counseling center could be realized.

PLANS FOR 2015
My remodeling project plans for 2015 include the sun porch and lighting and flooring for the kitchen. For the sun porch, it will need tiling, replacing its window, blinds, and painting. I would also like to move towards a total remodel of Cori's old bedroom, removing paneling, putting up drywall, and putting down carpeting, replacing the window and lighting fixtures.

I need to clean out the attics and the second story of the storage shed. These are projects that I hate to tackle on my own.

I have bought a ticket to go to the August Young Living convention and am looking forward to it. In September I will be 40; it seems hard to grasp that I am this old. I do not feel it. I may do something special to celebrate, or go somewhere. Cori and Brian seem to take yearly trips to the Tennessee mountains, so I may treat myself to an early bday gift in the spring.

I will complete 12 more credit hours as well, inching me towards my educational goals. I am also looking forward to several Bible studies, the first of which is Priscilla Shirer's study of Gideon at Hillcrest BC starting in several weeks.

More about my New Year Resolutions later...
Hello, 2015!

hurt shapes

"God the Grand Weaver seeks those with tender hearts to that he can put his imprint on them. Your hurts and your disappointments are part of that design, to shape your heart and the way you feel about reality. The hurts you live through will always shape you. There is no other way."

-Ravi Zaharias in The Grand Weaver

"Having the answers is not essential to living. What is essential is the sense of God's presence during dark season of questioning."

-Calvin Miller, quoted

rambling

Jim Mather reposted a quote the other day about the need for sabbatical rest for the soul. I haven't had much of that in the last ten years since I have been a college/uni student.

So how does a person rest when she doesn't know how? I try to read or listen to music. Reading my Bible is even an exercise since my ADD brain is going in a dozen directions at once. I need more Cedarwood oil!!! :-P Lord, teach me how to rest again; I used to know how. And show me how to rest in You! I read verses like Psalm 5:11-12, "Make everyone rejoice who puts his trust in you. Keep them shouting for joy because you are defending them. Fill all who love you with your happiness. For you bless the godly (wo)man, O Lord; you protect (her) with your ahold of love."

I have decided to start journal blogging again. I think that I need an emotional outlet; I used to be more emotionally stable and think maybe it was because I used to journal and blog regularly. I am also entering premenopause, and it is no joke.

This term, I am having to take a class that I hate. Philosophy is crap...the most worthless knowledge that I have ever had to regurgitate. It's pointless nonsense. I has upset me to spen so much time on something with so little inherent value or application. Can't wait for these next three weeks to be over.

Trish and I are going to pick out a Christmas tree today. I am so thankful that she is on her feet again, albeit wobbly ones but out of that dang sickbed nonetheless. Thank You, Jesus, for that! And for showing us what to do! I feel confident that we are a part of a miracle.

David and Teresa Gingles taught a Young Living training session on Monday night. For some reason, I thought it started at 7, so we were a half hour late. I enjoyed it though. I am catching a vision for where my YL business can take me. I have commuted to a seven-year plan of success and business-building and look forward to where I am going with it! Mom and I took Jill L. And I had gotten tickets for Lee and Pat H, as well. I bought my ticket for next August's YL convention!!! I am excited about that! :-)

today

It has not been a good day. I have experienced a gamut of emotions today...anticipatory, prepared, excited, anxious, irritated, angered, pissed, hurt, marginalized, unloved, and criticized, plus a few more. I have laughed, and I have cried. I put time and effort into creating a Thanksgiving to remember, but few even cared to show up or spend time. I never thought the holidays could ever be this painful; when I was growing up, I thought that Thanksgiving could only get better and better as we added in-laws to the mix. Well, it hasn't worked out that way. It's just been an awful day.

And I have faith and hope that God will work it all for good in my life. He had better. It is all too painful without that hope. Too overwhelming.

Now off to bury my emotion and watch one of my fav films, "Persuasion." I pray the rest of the week gets better!