Sunday, November 30, 2014

hurt shapes

"God the Grand Weaver seeks those with tender hearts to that he can put his imprint on them. Your hurts and your disappointments are part of that design, to shape your heart and the way you feel about reality. The hurts you live through will always shape you. There is no other way."
-Ravi Zaharias in The Grand Weaver

"Having the answers is not essential to living. What is essential is the sense of God's presence during dark season of questioning."
-Calvin Miller, quoted

Friday, November 28, 2014


Jim Mather reposted a quote the other day about the need for sabbatical rest for the soul. I haven't had much of that in the last ten years since I have been a college/uni student.

So how does a person rest when she doesn't know how? I try to read or listen to music. Reading my Bible is even an exercise since my ADD brain is going in a dozen directions at once. I need more Cedarwood oil!!! :-P Lord, teach me how to rest again; I used to know how. And show me how to rest in You! I read verses like Psalm 5:11-12, "Make everyone rejoice who puts his trust in you. Keep them shouting for joy because you are defending them. Fill all who love you with your happiness. For you bless the godly (wo)man, O Lord; you protect (her) with your ahold of love."

I have decided to start journal blogging again. I think that I need an emotional outlet; I used to be more emotionally stable and think maybe it was because I used to journal and blog regularly. I am also entering premenopause, and it is no joke.

This term, I am having to take a class that I hate. Philosophy is crap...the most worthless knowledge that I have ever had to regurgitate. It's pointless nonsense. I has upset me to spen so much time on something with so little inherent value or application. Can't wait for these next three weeks to be over.

Trish and I are going to pick out a Christmas tree today. I am so thankful that she is on her feet again, albeit wobbly ones but out of that dang sickbed nonetheless. Thank You, Jesus, for that! And for showing us what to do! I feel confident that we are a part of a miracle.

David and Teresa Gingles taught a Young Living training session on Monday night. For some reason, I thought it started at 7, so we were a half hour late. I enjoyed it though. I am catching a vision for where my YL business can take me. I have commuted to a seven-year plan of success and business-building and look forward to where I am going with it! Mom and I took Jill L. And I had gotten tickets for Lee and Pat H, as well. I bought my ticket for next August's YL convention!!! I am excited about that! :-)


It has not been a good day. I have experienced a gamut of emotions today...anticipatory, prepared, excited, anxious, irritated, angered, pissed, hurt, marginalized, unloved, and criticized, plus a few more. I have laughed, and I have cried. I put time and effort into creating a Thanksgiving to remember, but few even cared to show up or spend time. I never thought the holidays could ever be this painful; when I was growing up, I thought that Thanksgiving could only get better and better as we added in-laws to the mix. Well, it hasn't worked out that way. It's just been an awful day.

And I have faith and hope that God will work it all for good in my life. He had better. It is all too painful without that hope. Too overwhelming.

Now off to bury my emotion and watch one of my fav films, "Persuasion." I pray the rest of the week gets better!
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