Sunday, March 15, 2015

ridiculous, impractical faith

I have been on a journey of faith during the last six months or so. My sister Sarah became engaged to be married and announced something that I kinda knew was coming, that she wants to be free of the financial burden of the home that we purchased together almost a decade ago.

I have had mixed feelings all along.

In addition to my being physically and emotionally peri-menopausal now, I am not keen on the idea of losing ten years of equity. We still owe on the house, so selling it just sets us free from the next twenty-nine years of mortgage payments (we had refinanced earlier last year). But we will certainly lose the last ten years of investment if we can get out of it what we owe. That's a big IF.

Then there is the whole idea that I held when purchasing the property, that it was to be a long-term investment property that could be used to house members of the family or as residual rental income. I have liked this last idea, especially since I know I need to plan for support in the far future (i.e. I have no inheritance coming my way, nor retirement income stashed away, nor children to support me). I like to plan ahead, not in a "fearful of the future" way, but in a "wise man looks to the affairs of his household" kind of way.

And then on the other hand, I would like to be financially free from the obligation. I live in another home, as primary caregiver to my elderly mom and dependent sister and as primary custodian of two other household properties, so I admittedly have too much on my plate financially. I would love to be able to free up that mortgage payment to pay down my credit cards and make much-needed repairs and remodeling to the home that I live in. It seems like the sensible thing to do, to sell it. The practical thing to do.

So we made the decision to put it in the market. We chose the realtor, after Sarah vetted eight or more. Some were very depreciatory regarding its worth, while others were more hopeful to sell it as a great family home.

All the while, my hopes started to soar. If God is in this sale, it will happen...and quickly! How many times have I seen God sell a home or orchestrate a move according to His will?!? I know He can do it, if He wants to.

But does He want us to sell it?

Sarah is now married, and the financial pressure is on us even more. The Lord has sent renters to live in the house for the time being. I know that this is His provision, a way for us to save up to put in the much-needed HVAC system and windows and to make long overdue repairs. In the years we have owned it, none have been made. This has bothered me, but again, there is nothing I could do about it since I have had so much other responsibilities and demand for my time and money.

I asked the Lord for His direction, for a definite sign or word of guidance. He did speak through several verses in 2 Chronicles, that He would repay everything that I have lost, with more besides. 

But as to the sale He has been largely silent. I haven't known if He has had nothing to say, or if He has Ben speaking loudly through His silence.

Today, I have been reading Derek Prince's Through the Psams as an addendum to a Regent class that I am currently taking. And the Lord is finally speaking, praise His name! I have been waiting for this download!!!

Psalm 1:1-3
But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night...whatever he does prospers.

"If you fill your heart and mind continually with His law, and if you direct your life according to it, then blessing and prosperity are your God-appointed portion." -DP

Psam 4:6-7
Many are asking, "Who can show us any good?" Let the light of your face shine upon us, O Lord...

"Real goodness has only one source. It comes from the Lord. When He lifts up the light of His face upon us, that light dispels the darkness of uncertainty and insecurity and pessimism." -DP

Psams 5:12
For surely, O Lord, you bless the righteous; you surround them with your favor as with a shield.

"One the one hand, we need to deviate less time and effort to making provision for material security. On the other hand, we need to be more concerned about making sure our lives are right before God; that we qualify for that blessing of the Lord which He reserved for the righteous- and only for the righteous...Righteousness pays better-and more enduring- dividends than cleverness or expediency or self-interest." -DP

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