hurt shapes

"God the Grand Weaver seeks those with tender hearts to that he can put his imprint on them. Your hurts and your disappointments are part of that design, to shape your heart and the way you feel about reality. The hurts you live through will always shape you. There is no other way."

-Ravi Zaharias in The Grand Weaver

"Having the answers is not essential to living. What is essential is the sense of God's presence during dark season of questioning."

-Calvin Miller, quoted

it's the 1st!

How do I express the gratefulness that I feel adequately for 2013? Yahweh has done great things in my life, and I am glad! This has been quite a year to remember, and 2014 promises to be even better.

 Here are my New Year's Resolutions for 2014:
1) Continue the THM journey and lose more pounds, on my way to a healthy life and body

2) Start T-Tapp, adding it into my regular lifestyle routines

3) Complete another round of Wellspring Ministry's "I Found Freedom" (Bibical Foundations of Freedom) workshops/studies

4) Read Eric Metaxas' tome, Bonhoeffer: Pastor, Martyr, Prophet, Spy

5) Finish reading Randy Alcorn's book Heaven

6) Plant both spring/summer and fall/winter gardens

7) Get some much-needed repairs and painting done on/in the family house and property

8) Listen to one online sermon per week

9) Read the Bible through this year, at least once


~To know Him, and make Him known!

2013 Reminisces, Part 1

It's been a while since I have blogged. A long while. My hiatus can be explained by a determination in late 2012 to spend more time in the Divine Word and less time spinning words of my own.

In the spirit of thinking about the old year disappearing and the new year coming up, I am setting some new goals for 2014. One of those is to begin blogging again, at least one post per month. So that may mean twelve posts, or perhaps more. Who knows...2014 awaits!

Looking back on 2013 over the next several days, I intend to list the adventures that we had, the pain that enlarged in our hearts, and the healing that took place.

Reading  for the Year
I read quite a few online articles coming form a wide variety of sources. I especially enjoyed some brilliant repartee in the form of a theological battle between two current Church leaders over the Charismatic movement in the US. Dr. Michal Brown waxed eloquent and pontificated a rebuttal to John MacArthur's denouncement of the movement and its contributions as a whole: Authentic Fire vs. Strange Fire: It's Not About Winning an Argument

I learned more than I ever had before about the baptism of the Holy Spirit while doing research for a Bible class. And this article by Bill Hamon further explained some things that Derek Prince's informative book did not: Why Speaking in Tongues Matters

The books I read and enjoyed mostly included books required for uni research. This summer I read Brennan Manning's The Furious Longing of God. Intense stuff right there.

And then came Trim Healthy Mama. I bought that book in February at a Nancy Campbell Above Rubies ladies retreat but didn't start reading it until July. Six hundred pages of scientific diet advice and recipes. God immediately started dealing with an area of sin that has largely been unaddressed for many years in my life: gluttony. It's been a lifechanging journey so far, and I have documented it in pictures on Facebook along the way. Since August I have lost thirty-five pounds; thank You, Jesus!

To be continued... ;-)

september

Before September is properly passed, I want to record my favorite month of the year here. This September found my dependence on the Lord depended. In general, I do not become overwhelmed easily. But the stressors of this month, along with the passing of another birthday, found my spirit sagging close to depression. Thankfully, the Lord heard my cries for help and has delivered me. I echo St. Augustine's thoughts:

"Sometimes we do not merit seeing God in a difficult occasion, because we have not cultivated grace in our inner man. We have not sought God in order to grow in grace. That is to say, we do not merit the honor of being set by God in difficult circumstances- situations in which He wants to be made known- because we have not grown in our ability to see Him in our inner man." -St. Augustine, in On Seeing God

In my uni studies, I have studied recently about "Sabbatical living," a concept largely lost on Western culture, but not obscure to me. Since I was a child, we have observed a weekly rest day, free from the demands of life and the busyness of work. As of late, I have determined that I need to take it more seriously, especially since I have been relegating household chores and housework to this day. I reason that I have no other day to get it accomplished, but I have been robbing myself of resting and replenishing. Hense my stress levels pushing me to depression.

Several hours of meditation and memorizing Scripture (I am curently pegging away at Psalm 91), prayer, and reading meaningful books do wonders to my spirit and soul.

I do not realize that when I neglect it, my spirit starts to wither, and I try to re-coup its loss by being busier than I need to be. My heavier burdens are family duties, spiritual burden of family members who purposely live in opposition to the Lord, household needs that are not met adequately, repairs and remodels that additional money and hard-working men are needed for, future unknowns, the pressure of uni classes added to my already high-octane life...these are my issues.

I have missed a wedding this month. I found out that the groom, who I know, has been sinning against God and his wife, who I do not know. It pains me to see him sully her life with his, so I could not, in clear conscience before God, witness those vows.

I have celebrated new life at a baby shower for a former student and secretary (Sarah), who looks forward to welcoming a precious baby girl (Sophia) into her family. I wanted to get her something really nice, something to treasure and keep, so I finally settled on the Spring Portrait Huggable Huggums Madame Alexander baby doll at Let's Play.

I have spent some time in my garden, which has needed some TLC for some time now. Weeding is the name of the game. yesterday, I spent several hours weeding and have a HUGE 3-foot pile to show for it. Now to inaugurate my burn barrel to dispose of them. I am sporting under a dozen ant bites on my hands and arms to show for my labors. I have spent too much $ on ant-killer this year; I think they move from place to place in the yard, instead of dying like they are supposed to!

I purchased three bargain Christian Regency era novels at Lifeway on the day that Mama bought me a large print New Living Translation Life Application Study Bible for my birthday. What a Bible! So far, Tricia and Mom have been enjoying the books (Linore Rose Burkard's The Country House Courtship, and . ;-)

My birthday was spent in Foley with a day of shopping. At first, on our drive out, I thought it was going to be a disaster (Mom was in a mood), but it ironed out (I prayed very hard!), and I had an enjoyable day overall. Fresh Produce had just received a new shipment of dresses and shirts (it's been a long while since they have had anything that fit me). I was blessed with a nice 20% discount, so I bought the girls two sweet blue sundresses. I enjoyed Kitchen Connection as well, getting myself some needed kitchen things (and some foofoo items as well)! Sarah met up with us for a late lunch at Lambert's (enjoy those "throwed rolls"). Delicious food! I spent the next hour browsing in Old Time Pottery. I didn't find much to buy (I was looking for a mercury glass vase or container to add to my dresser collection), but I did get the baking pan that I needed. And then we headed home.

Tricia went out of her way to make my birthday weekend special, and I appreciate and love her for it (and also for being an all-around awesome best friend/sister)! We had a delicious coffee and breakfast biscuit the next morning and spent the day at home and visiting Cori and precious nieces that I love so dearly! That night was the "family birthday dinner" at Carrabbas. Brother paid for my dinner, but spent the evening baiting Mom. It was not enjoyable at all, and in the end I wish I hadn't planned it. We ended the night picking up Krispy Kreme donuts to enjoy over the weekend. Yum!

I am loving my Keurig!!! It was my birthday gift to myself (we don't exchange gifts as a family anymore), and I have been especially enjoying the macadamia flavored coffee. There are so many flavors to explore; I have already found some that I don't like, but more that I do. :-)

Last weekend, I finally was able to store the last of the Christmas storage bins away, as well as clean up and de-clutter the house (living/dining rooms, laundry room). Today I hope to vacuum the main living area, tackle the girls' playroom, and clean out the fridge. In addition to resting, of course! ;-)

crazy love & mr. chan

I gave a friend a copy of Frances Chan's Crazy Love recently. Last summer, on a whim, I ordered my first audio-book and listened to Mr. C read his Crazy Love. This was tricky, since I am LARGELY a visual person and do NOT have much of an auditory modality at all. Mr. C boldly attacks several American ideologies that we hold dear, many "culturisms" that are not Scriptural and not in any way true. My "American sensibilities" were challenged as my mind reverted to some ideas that theologian Dietrich Bonhoeffer had proposed during the '30-40s, ideas regarding the then current Christians' unbiblical thinking and practices. And Chan's premiss that our God is jealous over us, that He is relentless in His pursuit of us, is fascinating! Ideas that I know in my head, and I need to realize more fully in my heart.

Now said friend has asked me about my favorite part of Crazy Love.
Well, I have many favorite parts! :-D  Here are some of my fav excerpts from the first chapters.

Chapter 1:

"Our culture says anything goes; fear of God is almost iunheard of. We are slow to listen, quick to speak, and quick to become angry. The wise man comes to God without saying a word and stands in awe of Him...Romans tells us that through creation, we see His 'invisible qualities' and 'divine nature.'"

"R. C. Sproul writes, 'Men are never duly touched and impressed with a conviction of their insignificance, until they have constrasted themselves with the majesty of God.'"

"There is an epidemic of spiritual amnesia going around, and none of us is immune. No matter how many fascinating details we learn about God's creation, no matter how many pictures we see of His galaxies, and no matter how many sunsets we watch, we still forget."

"We are programmed to focus on what we don't have, bombarded multiple times throughout the daywith what we need to buy that will make us feel happier or sexier or more at peace. This disatisfaction transfers over to our thinking about God. We forget that we already have everything we need in Him."

"Isn't it a comfort to worship a God we cannot exaggerate?"

"Not being able to fully understand God is frustrating but it is ridiculous for us to think we have the right to limit God to something we are capable of comprehending. What a stunted, insignificant god that would be!"

"He knows our thoughts before we think them, our actions before we commit them, whether we are lying down or sitting or walking around. He knows who we are and what we are about. We cannot escape Him, even if we want to.When I grow weary of trying to be faithful to Him and want a break, it doesn't come as a surprise to God."

"God is the only Being who is good, and the standards are set by Him."

 "All the people of the earth are regarded as nothing. He does as he pleases with the powers of heaven and the peoples of the earth. No one can hold back his hand or say to him, 'What have you done?'" -Daniel 4:35

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Do not be anxious about anything." -Phil. 4:4, 6


Chapter 2:

"Worry implies that we don;'t quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what's happening in our lives.

Stress says that the things we are involved in are important enough to merit our impatience, our lack of grace toward others, or our tight grip of control.

Basically, these two behaviors communicate that it's okay to sin and not trust God because the stuff in my life is somehow exceptional. Both worry and stress reek of arrogance."

OUCH!!! This ^^ is like reading my bio! :-(
More to come...

summertime, and the livin' is easy

It is the first week of my blessed summer!!!
I have not worked a bit, no siree! ;-P
Just cleaned the main part of the house from top to bottom- laundry room, playroom, family room, ad my bedroom. And all my paper clutter and piles of files, mail, bills, finances, and what-not are G-O-N-E.

The month of May was a blur for sure! So many days, packed to the brim with activity and busy-ness. Graduation for CIAS's fifteenth graduating class went off with precision and little-to-no drama. We chose to "go smaller" with the after-reception, and that worked out very well. Twenty-one seniors this year...time flies on. This year's end-of-school activity was a trip to Adventure Island in Orange Beach. We all had amped-up fun with arcades, laser tag, go carts, and bumper boats. The kids had a blast, judging from their numerous FB posts!

All this spring, I have been gardening and getting more active. And in the meantime, I have lost 15 pounds!!! I have great energy and stamina, and am sleeping well and keeping up with household activities with renewed vigor. And I had my hair trimmed almost five inches, but it is still pretty long comparatively. I like the feel of the shorter length, thickness, and bounce. :-D

I finished my education degree in May; that was a looooong road that I was glad to see finish...since 2007 it was! Summa Cum Laude, Phi Theta Kappa, Kappa Delta Pi, & two Scholastic Achievement Awards later, I am exhausted. I was accepted at Regent U in March (YAY!!!), and all my registration and paperwork is completed. All that is left is the final stages of student loans and promissory notes. I am taking some Bible classes right off the bat. I think that I am out of my mind as well.

Sarah and I are busy beavers in regards to weekends and bakery wedding cakes. We did two wedding cakes last weekend, have two to do this coming weekend, and one next week. It's a blur of beauty that never slows or stops. I will be glad once July heat hits, and we will get a reprieve from the pellmell of cakes. :-)

Marie Brunner is getting married tomorrow to her Amos, and I am missing it due to previous cake obligations. :-( I have known her for over 20 years now, it's hard to believe. So many of my former students are getting married this year...I just received an invitation for Graeson's wedding for later this month!


MOVIES
Last Saturday, after our workday was done, we went to see my first theatre movie of the year, "Snow White and the Huntsman." It was a ethereal and sinister take on the story, with brilliant digital and blue suit work...kind of a cross between Peter Jackson's work in "Lord of the Rings" and a medieval "Robinhood." Really enjoyed it! Besides, the "man candy" was nice! ;-)

Now that all our favorite tv shows are on hiatus (Castles, The Mentalist, NCIS, NCIS: LA), I have been rifling through our movie stash and watching one every night. Last night it was "Tuck Everlasting" and tonight the modern version of "Pride and Prejudice."


And BOOKS!!!
Now that it is summer, and I am not in college classes, I have been reading in earnest. First was Todd Burpo's Heaven is for Real, about his son's experiences in heaven during a short surgery interval. I am finishing Ann Voskamp's One Thousand Gifts this weekend. SUCH a good and challenging book!!! I have been doing her 1000 Gifts challenge on this blog this year, in a haphazard fashion.

Next up is Annie Dillard's Pilgrim at Tinker Creek, Francis Chan's trilogy of Crazy Love/Forgotten God/Erasing Hell, and to finish Randy Alcorn's Heaven.

bibliophilia

I was struck today, after teaching two writing classes (grades 7-12), that so few of them are reading anything other than schoolwork. I am having them begin Writing Journals this week, starting with four entries per week, and I gave them simple blog-style prompts to help them get going. One was, "I am reading..." When I asked that question in class, only about 5 of the 35 raised their hands and gave me the title of a book they were reading.

Saddening.

I know one thing. I never would have developed into the person I am today without the books and literary exposure that I had as a kid, teen, and young adult. Thanks, Mom and Dad, for making reading a large part of our lives and memories. Thanks for indulging us and investing in us with all those late nights of  harrowing Peretti stories, Narnia tales read in all the voices, and all the BJU mysteries we solved. They lit a fire in us, to learn and read and explore and imagine. I remember all the Christmases of opening boxes of books instead of heaping toys and gadgets.

We had enough toys to play with. The shelves in our house, of which there are still many, are full. And yet we still read and buy and read again. I find myself looking for "our" books online at used booksellers, getting ready for the next generation of little book lovers. CL already has the attention span of a sparrow for her reading time!

What a world these kids are missing! What a world.

September daze

September is my favorite month of the year. I wait all year for it to come around again. I blink, and then it is gone.

I was born in September.

The weather is starting to cool off just a bit. Not enough to go camping, but enough to notice and appreciate it!

Autumn commences...my favorite season. Also some of my favorite tv shows start their seasons.

I always get bit by a "reading bug" in September!  I have Cindy Woodsmall's new book The Bridge of Peace  ready to go, and Mom has just gotten Beverly Lewis' The Thorn and devoured it.

And this year, I can add the "period movie bug" to the list! :-P  I watched "Bertie & Elizabeth on youtube last night. It is the story of King George VI (Albert)  & his queen Elizabeth (the current Elizabeth's parents). Fabulous story. I wonder if all the parts about Edward VIII (David) and his twice-divorced wife Wallis Simpson were accurate.

We began a remodeling project in the house in September...combining the back-to-back half and full bathrooms into one large bathroom with a walk-in shower for wheelchair use (one day we'll need it for Tricia and maybe Mom). Consequently, I have lost my shower for the next several months, and Daniel has moved the laundry room from the hallway into Sarah's old bedroom. Daniel is doing all the dirty work. I was in on the planning, buying, and budgeting parts with Mom and Trish. It will be so nice when it is done, which realistically, will be December.

I started cleaning out closets this month too. Old linens, clothes I don't wear, etc. It is nice to be able to walk into closets again. And store things we really use and need, instead of accumulated belongings that we have had who-knows-how-long. :-)

it's a brand new day

Mom, Trish, and I took subs and sodas over to Cori and Brian's house last night. We wanted to see our boo; she is growing up so fast! Each week, she gets a new mannerism or habit that is so endearing! When i got the the bottom of their porch stairs, I called out through the open door, "Corrie Lynn!" A few seconds later, she popped through the door, her hair in ringlets, grinning and waiving excitedly!

This was a busy week for us. Sarah and I chaperoned the Prom at Cafe Grazie in Orange Beach, Alabama on Friday night. Michael O and Corey J tied for Prom King!!!! And Alex B was voted Prom Queen. :-) We met Aly's new boyfriend Wes; he seems perfect for her. We all had a DELICIOUS dinner, and after the great fun of voting for superlatives, most of us headed out to Gulf Shores to spend several hours playing at Adventure Island. Due to inclement weather, the putt-putt and bumper boats were closed, so they played laser tag and arcades until we left around 10:30. I took pictures. I slept great that night, grateful for my pillowtop!!!

The caps & gowns finally came in this week. The seniors are excitedly preparing...only three weeks to go! I have a few things left to iron out (rehearsal, pianist, group photo shoot) but everything is coming together. I was able to cancel a few of my tutor students for the month of May, so I will have extra time to accomplish all that I need to get done!

Tomorrow I meet with an Army commander from Mobile regarding the school's accreditation. Matt J. is enlisting, our first grad in the Army. I am a little nervous, but only because it is on Monday, my most hectic teaching day (writing class!). Then on Tuesday, I meet with the workman's com insurance auditor. All my superb bookkeeping had better pay off! :-)

I spent this morning organizing my class binder and printing all my power points and essays for this writing class. I am not taking any summer classes; I am just too tired and need to rest from the frenetic life I lead. I signed up for my fall classes- literature and intro to exceptional child. Also finished my FAFSA.

Finished reading Beverly Lewis' The Telling. Great ending to a slow-moving trilogy. I saved the end until after my class was over so that I could enjoy it more.

Well, the spaghetti sauce is calling my name, and Mom and Trish want my company for the evening. I wish I had more time to blog and record my life and thoughts. Jesus, help me to slow down!!!