state of the church

"The true man of God is heartsick, 

grieved at the worldliness of the Church, 

grieved at the toleration of sin in the Church, 

grieved at the prayerlessness in the Church. 

He is disturbed that the corporate prayer of the Church 

no longer pulls down the strongholds of the devil."

-Leonard Ravenhill

No matter how much we try to fit in and be comfortable with those around us, no matter how close to the world our lifestyle tends, there is yet a great chasm between the broad and narrow ways (Matt. 7). And sadly, Jesus says that few will find the narrow way that leads to true life! The more I read about the faith of our fathers, the more I think that modern Christians have missed it.

Several weeks ago, one of my FB acquaintances posted that his church was having a Wednesday prayer and worship evening, so he invited everyone on his friends list to come. And then he said, "Come out and support our pastor." I recoiled, "WHAT?!? What does supporting a pastor have to do with worshiping and praising and magnifying and spending time before our AWESOME GOD?!" Besides missing the point, his post reflected a "churchianity" that I don't share or believe in. God calls us to Himself, to worship Him, to commune with Him, to let Him change us into His image, and to let Him turn us into ministers of His saving grace. Not to follow a man or a dogma or doctrine.  Or get hung up" on one issue or another, totally missing the whole picture of our purpose for existence and life here on earth in view of eternity.

Paul addressed this in 1 Corinthians 3 when he was confronted with Christians who wanted to segregate and divide Jesus' followers into "camps of belief." He first states that some ministers plant seeds and some water them, but God is the one who  gives the increase. You almost think he is dismissing his own role in the ministry process, yet he says that every man shall "receive his own reward according to his own labor." So, yes, the church does play an important role in the spiritual life, but "supporting our pastor" should not be a motivation to spend an evening with our Maker and Savior!

I counsel and talk to students and parents every week who have no tools of the Kingdom, no power of the Holy Spirit, and no victory over their flesh, sin, and the devil to live a dynamic Christian life. It is sad but true. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by the tide or spiritual and Scriptural ignorance that surrounds me (and I am not talking about my immediate family here!). I can only do my part to stem it and shine the light towards paths of righteousness, and leave the rest to the Lord! 

Case in point...several months ago, I had to call for an intervention meeting with the parents of one our struggling students. Only the mom could make time in her schedule to come. And when I asked her if she and her husband prayed over their children, she looked at me with a blank look and didn't know what to say. I still can't fathom the feeling that crashed into my spirit as I sat there, realizing that this parent didn't really care about their child's spiritual welfare. She could cry and weep all she wanted, but when the rubber hit the road, she wasn't willing to do what that Bible says to train up and intercede for her child(ren). 

Demonic apathy is rendering us powerless...it has crept in and stolen our zeal and thirst and hunger. In Matt. 11:12, Jesus was talking to his followers about John the Baptist, and explaining why John was so different and why he couldn't be like everybody else around him. And He ends with, "From the days of John the Baptist until now the kingdom of heaven suffers violence, and violent men take it by force."

"May the things of this world so lose their power over us that we do not in the slightest wish to be "worldly"; nay, we even delight in not remaining 'in the world.'"

-Watchman Nee 

Bright Star

We watched Bright Star last night, the poignant story of John Keats' ill-fated romance with Fanny Brawne. It was so sweet; I cried several times. There were, as usual, several things that I did not like, but overall it was a lovely romantic tale. Tricia looked up the real story between them, and the movie was mostly true. The love scenes were weirdly intense, almost too much for me. Especially since Fanny was so young, I guess it seemed so out-of-touch with my "prime-of-life-singlesness". Still, I think that I'll add it to my list of favorite movies.

Just spent an hour or so reading the new courtship stories on YLCF. Some of the girls are so young, 17-20 yo! I think there were two running themes linking all the stories that I read: they met through friends or college or ministry. I think back over the last fifteen years of my life (my "marriageable" years), especially about my church involvement and social interaction. I was at ITC for a year and ATI for almost 12. Liberty for 5 years, Innercity Ministries for 8 months, Charity Chapel for two years, Campus Church for two,  and Hearts Ablaze at BAG for over 5 years. There was ample opportunity to be "found." I have often wondered why not.

Recently, I have not been going anywhere regularly. I keep myself spiritually fellowshiped, certainly, but I miss worshiping corporately. I stay so busy with running the school and ministering to my students that I have no energy for socialization outside of that. When I have tried to be social, I just end up feeling out of place (I am ALWAYS older than everyone else) and awkward. I have just grown tired of putting myself out there, to be honest. Last month I terminated my eHarmony sub; after 4 years and very few quality matches, none of the guys that I was interested in responded to communication requests. So now I need that $ to help pay for our pool to be serviced.

Priority shifts always disturb me. I feel as I near my 35th birthday, I am nearing another change point. I just don't know what it is yet. There are NO prospects at the moment. I always find out that the guys I am interested in have been married before or have enough baggage to drowned them. No thanks!

Sara Beth Gygax, one of my babies that Tricia and I nannied for back when I was in high school, just announced that she is dating/courting a lifelong family friend, and I think Bob & Ben are as well. They were like my little siblings...we babysat them! It is strangely normal.

And yet, I am hopeful for my own marital state, even though I have no prospects! It will have to be a miracle at this point for me to meet someone. But I know that I am fulfilling 1 Cor. 7:34, "The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.” I AM dedicated to the things of the Lord, being faithful, sharing the Gospel and ministering His truth and love to my students and family. Mom just shared with me this morning how much she loves me, and what a blessing I have been to her and Daddy in fulfillment of their rhema over my birth/life, Prov. 10:22, "It is the blessing of the LORD that makes rich, And He adds no sorrow to it." That they never had to worry about me spiritually and that she appreciates my love for the Lord. It meant a lot to hear her say it! :-)

Proverbs 18:22 has come to my attention recently; "He who finds a wife finds a good thing And obtains favor from the LORD." I want to be "found" soon! SCC's old song comes to mind..."His strength in us begins, Where ours comes to an end."