my tongue is the pen of a ready writer

"My heart overflows with a good theme; I address my verses to the King; My tongue is the pen of a ready writer." -Psalm 45:1

A Psalm of Individual Thanksgiving
“The Lord Saves Me from the Troubles of Life”
By Mary Beth Jones

I love Yahweh, for He hears my petition and my cry for help.

I lift my voice in the night time and whisper aloud to Him in the morning hours.

My Abba is near and answers my prayers when I call on His name.

Selah.

For the pressures of life sweep over me like an ocean wave.

I am bowled over and am in the grip of strong undertow.

I cannot free myself; only Yahweh can save me.

The sands of life drag me down into the depths, and I am drowned in anxiety.

I am overcome with fretfulness, and my responsibilities overwhelm me.

Sleep escapes me, and I lay awake in worry and apprehension.

Lord, you are sovereign. You are in control of the universe.

You rule over the principalities and powers of this world and reign supreme over the devil and his tormentors.

Remind me that You are also my Abba and that You care for me.

You know everything about me; I can hide nothing from You.

I am your child, and you know my comings and goings.

You, O Lord, have been kind to me. In my low state, you saw and rescued me.

Your lovingkindness has overcome my fears and brought me peace.

Selah.

I am compelled to praise Yahweh in my troubles, for He has trounced them.

I will overcome, in the strength of the Lord, and will arise in victory over the dark places.

O Lord, my refuge, I will never be ashamed that I put my trust in You.

I will praise His name forever and live a life of thanksgiving.

ridiculous, impractical faith

I have been on a journey of faith during the last six months or so. My sister Sarah became engaged to be married and announced something that I kinda knew was coming, that she wants to be free of the financial burden of the home that we purchased together almost a decade ago.

I have had mixed feelings all along.

In addition to my being physically and emotionally peri-menopausal now, I am not keen on the idea of losing ten years of equity. We still owe on the house, so selling it just sets us free from the next twenty-nine years of mortgage payments (we had refinanced earlier last year). But we will certainly lose the last ten years of investment if we can get out of it what we owe. That's a big IF.

Then there is the whole idea that I held when purchasing the property, that it was to be a long-term investment property that could be used to house members of the family or as residual rental income. I have liked this last idea, especially since I know I need to plan for support in the far future (i.e. I have no inheritance coming my way, nor retirement income stashed away, nor children to support me). I like to plan ahead, not in a "fearful of the future" way, but in a "wise man looks to the affairs of his household" kind of way.

And then on the other hand, I would like to be financially free from the obligation. I live in another home, as primary caregiver to my elderly mom and dependent sister and as primary custodian of two other household properties, so I admittedly have too much on my plate financially. I would love to be able to free up that mortgage payment to pay down my credit cards and make much-needed repairs and remodeling to the home that I live in. It seems like the sensible thing to do, to sell it. The practical thing to do.

So we made the decision to put it in the market. We chose the realtor, after Sarah vetted eight or more. Some were very depreciatory regarding its worth, while others were more hopeful to sell it as a great family home.

All the while, my hopes started to soar. If God is in this sale, it will happen...and quickly! How many times have I seen God sell a home or orchestrate a move according to His will?!? I know He can do it, if He wants to.

But does He want us to sell it?

Sarah is now married, and the financial pressure is on us even more. The Lord has sent renters to live in the house for the time being. I know that this is His provision, a way for us to save up to put in the much-needed HVAC system and windows and to make long overdue repairs. In the years we have owned it, none have been made. This has bothered me, but again, there is nothing I could do about it since I have had so much other responsibilities and demand for my time and money.

I asked the Lord for His direction, for a definite sign or word of guidance. He did speak through several verses in 2 Chronicles, that He would repay everything that I have lost, with more besides. 

But as to the sale He has been largely silent. I haven't known if He has had nothing to say, or if He has Ben speaking loudly through His silence.

Today, I have been reading Derek Prince's Through the Psams as an addendum to a Regent class that I am currently taking. And the Lord is finally speaking, praise His name! I have been waiting for this download!!!

Psalm 1:1-3

But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night...whatever he does prospers.

"If you fill your heart and mind continually with His law, and if you direct your life according to it, then blessing and prosperity are your God-appointed portion." -DP

Psam 4:6-7

Many are asking, "Who can show us any good?" Let the light of your face shine upon us, O Lord...

"Real goodness has only one source. It comes from the Lord. When He lifts up the light of His face upon us, that light dispels the darkness of uncertainty and insecurity and pessimism." -DP

Psams 5:12

For surely, O Lord, you bless the righteous; you surround them with your favor as with a shield.

"One the one hand, we need to deviate less time and effort to making provision for material security. On the other hand, we need to be more concerned about making sure our lives are right before God; that we qualify for that blessing of the Lord which He reserved for the righteous- and only for the righteous...Righteousness pays better-and more enduring- dividends than cleverness or expediency or self-interest." -DP

life and provision

I spent some much-needed time out in my yard today, tending and weeding and enjoying the warm weather and sunshine for a change. It felt good to touch and inhale the wonderful aroma of healthy black garden soil once again. I was not able to plant a winter garden this last fall and have missed it! On top of having way too much on my plate life-wise, we have had a very cold winter here on the Florida panhandle. I know that most of the rest of the country has been snowed in, but still. This Floridian blood is too thin for unending days of freezing rain and bone-chilling, sunless 20's and 30s.

I now have a whole patch of the garden weeded and ready for planting. I am thinking that various greens seedlings (collards, chard, kale, spinach, and several lettuces) can go into the ground in the next several weeks.

Why does my yard get all the ant hills?!? I need better ant killer this year.

Burned the last of the 12 trash bags of old business records from the bakery. Since Trish has been sick for so long, we are just now catching up with sorting through all the accounting records and throwing out too-old-and-not-needed years of receipts and paperwork that only can be burned or shredded. It took me almost a month to get around to start burning it all in my barrel, but today I finished the last three bags! I love the smell of fire. Gotta get my fire pit set up and use it!

A roofer friend is bartering for repairing and re-roofing the shed. It has been in bad shape for many years now, something Dad didn't take care of before he passed. Whole sections of roof decking are rotten, and the second story has leak stains everywhere now. I don't like organizing this sort of thing, maybe because I grew up in a family that had pretty clear jurisdictions and boundaries (my area was NOT the outdoors upkeep!). It is difficult for me to see the need to invest in a piece of property that serves as storage, but if we don't keep it up, where would we store all our tools, Christmas decor, old furniture, and stuff?! It's going to get metal roofing that will last much longer this time.

Want to replace the wooden fencing that has fallen or is falling down around the family house, but after getting an estimate, that is going to have to wait. Everything costs too much, and I certainly don't have enough finances to fund it all by myself.

Sarah's and my house at 2110 is now on the market. I don't think that the realtor that was chosen is going to be aggressive enough, but I can;t worry about it. I am fully expecting God to sell it since He has promised me that He will! At first, I felt like I was being bullied into selling it, but then Abba spoke to me and let me know that His hand was in it. I need to be free of the financial burden that it has become. Sarah wants to be free of it now that she is getting married and has no use for it anymore. I try not to think in my finite human terms...almost a decade of investment down the drain and so much money lost on what was supposed to be a long-term real estate investment. I am praying that we can sell it for as much as we owe on it at this point in this economy. I have nothing left financially since I support both Mom and Tricia and receive no help from the other siblings (as Dad expected, I guess). God will provide, our Jehovah Rapha.

I joined a women's Bible study at Hillcrest these last six week, a teaching by Priscilla Shirer on Gideon. It was amazing! Am so glad I bit the bullet and squeezed it into my schedule, even though I have felt a bit frenetic in other areas of life as a result.  The theme of it has been "My weakness, God's Faithfulness." It has been timely in my life.

I now have a Twitter account! Yes, you read that right! Partly because of the weekly Bible study Tweets and partly because I have wanted to join for awhile now, in addition to my Instagraming and Facebooking. I remember my painfully introverted self of the past and chuckle!

My Young Living business is beginning to take off now; I told my fam that it is a little scary how fast it is picking up! I am teaching once-a-month classes at the school now; taught one in January, and on in Pace several weeks ago. We had 16 women (and 1 man!) at this week's class on Dr. Mom and Women's Health. So many people need help...I know this is another ministry from the Lord!

goals and planners

I started the Gideon Bible study last week. I think it promises to be wonderful. Mama and Minita are going with me, and I love the peppy lady Pam that facilitates the study.

Sarah bridal shower is next Saturday. I met with Tammy at the church to look at all the decor that is available, and I have been collecting everything that I have and want to use. I am feeling good about it, and the other bridesmaids are planning to be involved with helping. Tomorrow is a holiday, so I can get more done (photos printed, etc.)

Things are moving forward towards selling Sarah and my house, 2110. Her Mark has owned a house for several years, and they don't want to start married life with the responsibility and burden of two mortgage payments. At first, I was pissed, since I will be losing almost a decade of equity into a real estate investment (that was all it ever was for me, since I love the family home and want to live there). I asked the Lord what to do, and for a long time I heard nothing. Then, boom! Around the first of the year He spoke pretty loudly, and not just to me. Mama, Tricia, and I all are reading the McCheyne plan for reading through the Bible, so within a week's time we all had heard the same thing out of 2 Chronicles. It was cool. But Sarah and Mark have still been worried about it all because it affects their finances and could affect their wedding date. I am at peace that God will sell it sooner rather than later!!!

My Cognitive Psych class started in Monday as well. I love studying the brain and mind and love this professor, Dr. Russell, as well!

This week was busy. On Monday I had b

Bible study and came home to start my class. On Tuesday I went to an ENT appointment with a new doc, Dr. Bots at Baptist, to get my ears cleaned out before I have any more problems with them. That night I taught a "Basic Essential Ouls" class, and 11 ladies attended. On Friday I picked up orders across town: a Frontier Co-op order and some Ortho Jelly from Old Thyme Remedies. I finally got an iPhone 6 as well. That has been several years overdue, since I dunked my 4S in a pool while chaperoning at a school event. It is not a personal purchase since I mainly use it for school business every day of the the week, so that is a nice perk of working for a non-profit. Then yesterday, after studying cognitive neuroscience all day and taking a test, we took Sarah out for her 33rd birthday and went bridesmaid dress shopping. I think that I might have the dress that I want...a pretty lace-bodice chiffon dress with a fishtail back. 

Today is my Sabbath. I am doing Bible study homework, setting goals for the week, bridal shower prep, cleaning out the fridge, and sorting through a pile of paperwork and receipts that has piled up in the last month. 

happy new year

Here it is. The beginning of a new year. A year of new beginnings.

2014 was a doozy. I can say that I am glad, heartily glad to see it go. It was such a hard year, trying my soul and spiritual mettle to breaking. And my dreams and goals have grown and broadened.

We rang in the new year with Alex and the Horn kids. We had watched all nine hours of the the LOTR extended trilogy and ate lots of snacks. It was a great start to 2015!

GROWTH
I was asked what is my WHY several times, especially towards the end of the year. It is a question that the Young Living hierarchy beats on their encouragement drums. I read my first MLM business-building book in October. The Four Year Career by Richard Brooke was a quick yet inspiring read. I look forward to expanding my knowledge about essential oils, as well as building this business.

As I thought about my WHY, I discovered several things about myself. First, I am not as organized as I would like to be. I have spent many hours over this holiday sorting through piles of paperwork, receipts, mail, old bills, and school papers that should never have been allowed to accumulate. I can do better than this, I know.

The second thing that I realized is that I cannot do everything. I cannot do more than I can do. And sometimes, I need to sit and sip a cup of hit tea and think about nothing. It's not about how groomed my yard is, or how beautiful my garden is, whether I get everything done that I need to do, making an "A" on every paper and test, or signing up new YL members at every class I teach. It is about trusting God and taking each day as it is given to me.

A BETTER ORGANIZED LIFE
I am starting my journey towards a more organized life with a 2015 Calendar Planner. I purchased it today and am excited to use it. I confess, I have never used one. Ever. I have always journaled and blogged in various levels of writing fervor, but I have never, to my knowledge, written down my goals, appointments, and busyness.

CIAS & MY CAREER
During October's FCCPSA training workshop, I learned several new organization tools that we have already implemented and will continue to develop. I designed and published a brand new CIAS website. I am very proud of it. I spent over a month this past summer working on it, deconstructing the old one and creating a fresh new advertisement profile and informational website. For the very first time, we also transitioned into online reporting system. I am not entirely pleased with the record-keeping website that we chose (it was the only one that I knew of at the time), but I have since found another that I think will better suit our record-keeping needs. I also created a professional profile for the school (to be used for NCAA and such) and wrote a new Scope and Sequence manual, complete with learning objectives for each grade level. There is more to do on it, tweaking it to my liking, but the first edition is published.

Getting the last graduating class through school was quite a feat. Many of them were unmotivated, and some have just finished this December. Prom in April was a bomb in more ways than one. I was asked, by the organizing committee, to leave the premises twice. The gall of some people. I had forty students with me and have always stayed to watch over them. Other that that poisonous sting, it was a fun evening. But...the kids have decided that we will throw our own prom this spring. Oh, boy! There will be more about that to come, I am sure.

Summer was largely absent from school this fall, as her mother was in the last stages of cancer treatment before she died in October. Kristen has been my right hand woman, especially since Tricia has not been at 100%. One noted miracle of the year happened on one day that Kristen could not come to work, and that next morning, it was as if Tricia rose from a deathbed to teach again. I was in awe of Jehovah Jireh!

FINANCES
I have been working very hard to pay off all my credit cards. I hate my debt, and I hate that I let myself get into debt. Student loans are bad enough, without having my former spending habits haunting me. I have been gaining control and have been doing so much better, each year gaining  more and more control and disciplined over my finances. I started working on paying it all down/off three years ago. In 2014 I have paid off three two cards completely, and they are now out of circulation, so to speak.

Tricia finally qualified for disabilities. Poor thing. She can't work very much anymore, her physical body is so weak and stiff. But her disabilities is a pittance. I want her to get a lawyer, and her neuro suggests it. So I have taken the brunt of supporting the family. I barter with one of my school families, and their boys help me with landscaping and yard work. So the yard is getting tamed, more to my liking. And Tricia gains strength and continues to maintain the bookkeeping and taxes and all her accounting duties. Things I have never had the patience for.

I also refinanced the 2110 house this year (Okay, I HAVE gotten a lot done this year!!!). We are saving ourselves several hundred dollars a month now, and Sarah has kept renters all year, but I have profited little from that income. I have funded several home repairs and remodels at the 2012 house in 2014. That is where I live with Mom and Tricia. Half the house is unused, so we cordon it off to save money. We finally had the tile shower finished in the newly combined bathroom that Daniel had started so many years ago, as well as a dozen other projects that Bryan M fixed for us. Daniel came over and ran my dryer lint hose out the back of the house, so that it would not continue to blow into the rec room and make a mess. It is so much nicer, and I am thankful to him.

HEALTH, OR LACK THEREOF
Tricia and her bushel-full of health issues almost swallowed the summer in its entirety. What an ordeal she has been through, and what effort Mama and I have put out to save her health!!! In March, I put Tricia on a stricter Paleo diet, and in April I joined Young Living to use essential oils on Tricia. By the time May rolled around, Tricia was off her feet. By June, she was bedridden. After 90 days, we began to see results from our drastic efforts. It was a very difficult three months. Thank Hashem for His mercy and grace throughout that trial. I thought I was going to have a heart attack from all the pressure.

She was finally diagnosed with a general diagnosis of inflammatory arthritis and is now on methotrexate to help with pain, swelling, and stiffness levels. Her colonoscopy report came back good for the first time since diagnosis: no ulcers (last report, her colon was "fully involved"). Her MS is not currently active, although its effects are ever present with a stumbling gait and neuropathy in her legs (burning). 

I have continued to maintain weight loss throughout the year. THM has been a God-send! I have pulled down 75 pounds all together so far, and I have kept it off. I am sixteen months into my THM and weightloss journey. Over the holidays, I felt very good and had lots of energy. I am so pleased that God has shown me what to do to get healthier.

FAMILY
Our nieces continue to delight us. It brings great joy to me to see them grow up to be sweet, kind, and loving girls. Corrie Lynn has accepted Jesus as her Savior and is such a sensitive doll. Juliana Mae has been learning to be sweet and more tolerant of others. She is a determined and cheerful girl, and her impromptu kisses and declarations of love are heart-melting. Leah Kathleen is our baby, and she knows it! Her main phrase now is, "I don't like it." She loves baby dolls, so Mrs. "Aubee Santa" put together pink bunk doll beds and a high chair for Little Miss' Christmas. It is so cute to watch her play with them!

We are glad Cori and Brian are close by in Magnolia Springs. It makes for a better aunti-life. And Cori's emotional support has been a life-saver for me! :-)

Sarah started dating a fellow named Mark Garcia in August. They are now engaged and planning to be married in March. On the Saturday after Thanksgiving, we all went with her to find a wedding gown. She will be lovely on her special day, and I am one of her maids of honor. This has been a growing experience for the family nucleus and will continue to be so, I believe, as time passes. I love my baby sister and am determined to have the mind of Christ in all things.

I did not quite get my Christmas tree decorated this holiday. We bought a beautiful tall Noble fir right after Thanksgiving, and I put lights on it. But ornaments? No. I was sad that I had no time, and when I did, I did not feel well or had other, more pressing things to do. I told Cori that I should hire her to do my decorating next year! :-) We did put out the lighted Christmas nativity in the yard ( for the first time in many years) and candle lights in all the front windows. And also decorated the school quite nicely earlier in the month.

Mama continues to age. I feel for her increasing feebleness. She helps me care for Tricia and is our main chauffeur. Right now, she has injured her knee, so I am driving them around. I do not like that role, as I am not used to going out so much.

PERSONAL
I am plugging away at my psychology degree. I love my psych classes, as well as my Biblical studies classes. This fall, I took Theories of Personality (loved!) and then Intro to Philosophy (hated!). This spring I take Cognitive Psychology and Psalms. I should love both! I have begun searching for a Masters program that I am interested in, since I am near the end. I am tossing around pursuing a MSW. Regent and Liberty are on the block. Student loans mount, but my trust is in the Lord. He knows what I need and when I need it.

Adding essential oils to my daily routine has been life-saving. I feel better and was able to overcome a bout of depression that tried to oppress me this fall pretty quickly. I am on a better routine of supplements now, as I can afford them.

Instagram and Facebook both saw quite a bit of me, snatches of time here and there. I started The MaryBeeBuzz profile for my Young Living business, as well as established a Young Living website. I read 50% of the Bible through. I had wanted to read it all the way through, but I did better than last year, so that is what I focus on. I did not get to read as much as I would have liked, mostly due to my studies. Most evenings are consumed with reading and writing for classes. I am thankful for holidays and summer terms, free from the grind.

I have decided to make new five and ten year plans. I had thought that by the time I am 45, I wanted to foster or adopt (if I am unmarried). But now I think I will focus on finishing a Masters and then begin familial pursuits. Then maybe I will work on a doctorate in counseling. That could take me to 50, eleven years from now. And my dream of running a family counseling center could be realized.

PLANS FOR 2015
My remodeling project plans for 2015 include the sun porch and lighting and flooring for the kitchen. For the sun porch, it will need tiling, replacing its window, blinds, and painting. I would also like to move towards a total remodel of Cori's old bedroom, removing paneling, putting up drywall, and putting down carpeting, replacing the window and lighting fixtures.

I need to clean out the attics and the second story of the storage shed. These are projects that I hate to tackle on my own.

I have bought a ticket to go to the August Young Living convention and am looking forward to it. In September I will be 40; it seems hard to grasp that I am this old. I do not feel it. I may do something special to celebrate, or go somewhere. Cori and Brian seem to take yearly trips to the Tennessee mountains, so I may treat myself to an early bday gift in the spring.

I will complete 12 more credit hours as well, inching me towards my educational goals. I am also looking forward to several Bible studies, the first of which is Priscilla Shirer's study of Gideon at Hillcrest BC starting in several weeks.

More about my New Year Resolutions later...
Hello, 2015!

hurt shapes

"God the Grand Weaver seeks those with tender hearts to that he can put his imprint on them. Your hurts and your disappointments are part of that design, to shape your heart and the way you feel about reality. The hurts you live through will always shape you. There is no other way."

-Ravi Zaharias in The Grand Weaver

"Having the answers is not essential to living. What is essential is the sense of God's presence during dark season of questioning."

-Calvin Miller, quoted

rambling

Jim Mather reposted a quote the other day about the need for sabbatical rest for the soul. I haven't had much of that in the last ten years since I have been a college/uni student.

So how does a person rest when she doesn't know how? I try to read or listen to music. Reading my Bible is even an exercise since my ADD brain is going in a dozen directions at once. I need more Cedarwood oil!!! :-P Lord, teach me how to rest again; I used to know how. And show me how to rest in You! I read verses like Psalm 5:11-12, "Make everyone rejoice who puts his trust in you. Keep them shouting for joy because you are defending them. Fill all who love you with your happiness. For you bless the godly (wo)man, O Lord; you protect (her) with your ahold of love."

I have decided to start journal blogging again. I think that I need an emotional outlet; I used to be more emotionally stable and think maybe it was because I used to journal and blog regularly. I am also entering premenopause, and it is no joke.

This term, I am having to take a class that I hate. Philosophy is crap...the most worthless knowledge that I have ever had to regurgitate. It's pointless nonsense. I has upset me to spen so much time on something with so little inherent value or application. Can't wait for these next three weeks to be over.

Trish and I are going to pick out a Christmas tree today. I am so thankful that she is on her feet again, albeit wobbly ones but out of that dang sickbed nonetheless. Thank You, Jesus, for that! And for showing us what to do! I feel confident that we are a part of a miracle.

David and Teresa Gingles taught a Young Living training session on Monday night. For some reason, I thought it started at 7, so we were a half hour late. I enjoyed it though. I am catching a vision for where my YL business can take me. I have commuted to a seven-year plan of success and business-building and look forward to where I am going with it! Mom and I took Jill L. And I had gotten tickets for Lee and Pat H, as well. I bought my ticket for next August's YL convention!!! I am excited about that! :-)

let's talk supplements

Those of you who know our family know that some of us are invariably chugging a pile of vitamins and supplements down. This, along with a healthy diet, active life, and presence of the Holy Spirit, has contributed to our health and vitality over the years. The combination of all this has enabled us to successfully run our businesses and live full and happy lives.

Our journey into supplements began when Mom had a stroke in 1993. It was a wake up call. We immediately dove into juicing massive poundage of veggies, grinding and baking with whole grains, drinking purified water, and learning about all the nutrients that not even the best diet can provide. Mom started researching and learning. I remember many late nights pouring over the Drs. Balch books, Prescription for Dietary Wellness and Prescription for Nutritional  Healing. It was not only a wake-up call; it was an education.

So that the why. Here is how we got to where we are now with all this.

Over the years, our supplement-taking ebbed and flowed. Some of us girls went away from home. Periodically we would receive big boxed of supplements and Barley Green powder from back home. Then wjhn back at home, I invested several years into establishing gardens and a chicken brood. As I began to get busier and busier with the school, I had less time to spent on these hobbies and less time to plan meals and organize my health better. It just slipped to the wayside as unimportant. And I started to gain weight and have aches and pains.

Then in 2004, Hurricane Ivan hit. And I developed sciatica in its cleanup aftermath. Let me tell you, that was no picnic. I tried everything, from ice packs & heat pads to anti-inflammatory teas to meds and chiropractor adjustments and finally an ND who knew just what to do to relieve the pain. Now I use Young living essential oils to maintain my pain-free existence. To God be the glory for pointing me in the right direction.

And it was my last visit to Dr. Garry Hendricks, N.D., in Ft. Walton that prompted what came next. As I lay on my stomach on his table during the adjustment, I felt really obese for the very first time ever.  It was fall of 2012. By Christmas I had joined Weight Watchers and lost 15 pounds in 3 months.

And then nothing for the next 3 months. I was faithful to log my food/points, yet nothing was happening. The point logging was time consuming, and I hated it after awhile. Then over the summer I gained it all back. In February I had attendees an Above Rubies ladies treat, where Nancy Campbell mentioned the new book her daughters had just written, Trim Healthy Mama. I bought the book and shelved it. Later that summer, at the prodding of my sister Cori, I read it and started THM officially in August 2013. I have, over time, added to my vitamin and supplement regimen. As my endocrine and digestive systems "reset" themselves, I needed more help with balance and nutrition. So I would hear about "X" that could help with "Y," and I would add it in to see if it helped. And that is where I am at right now.

Here is the how.

Start out small. Five years ago, I started my current regimen with Vitamin C, Barley Max, and a cheap multivitamin from Walmart. Slowly I added to my "bottle basket," including supplements that I knew my body needed. This is what my morning dose looks like now. Now that I have lost almost 60 pounds on Trim Healthy Mama, I know that my health and various body systems DEPEND on my obtaining optimal nutrition from the food I do eat. As I gain strength and energy, I know that I need to fuel my body properly. 

So, I hope that you take the supplement plunge. The research that we did before settling into the brands that we purchase was extensive. They are from the best sources, the most usable and absorbent products for your body, as well as GMO-free and gluten-free as possible.

Take care of yourself, so that you can gain the energy and vitality to take care of those you love. And treat God's Temple right!

keep on keepin' on

"For this reason I remind you to kindle afresh the gift of God which is in you through the laying on of my hands. For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline. Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony of our Lord or of me His prisoner, but join with me in suffering for the gospel according to the power of God, who has saved us and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works, but according to His own purpose and grace which was granted us in Christ Jesus from all eternity, but now has been revealed by the appearing of our Savior Christ Jesus, who abolished death and brought life and immortality to light through the gospel, for which I was appointed a preacher and an apostle and a teacher. For this reason I also suffer these things, but I am not ashamed; for I know whom I have believed and I am convinced that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him until that day." (2 Timothy 1:6-12, NASB).

So, Valentine's Day has come and gone. To be honest, it sucked. It really did.

It is not my choice to be alone in life. Alone in my kitchen. Alone in my garden. Alone in life. Yes, I have sisters and a mom and three precious nieces. But I have never been wanted or loved, truly loved, by a man outside of my own daddy. I often get a sense that almost everyone in my life is associated with me for what they get from me...homeschool help, a love of learning, bookishness, diet advise, an encouraging word or smile or text in due moments. I know that these doubts come from one source, the source of all evil. I have been content in life for many years now, but I have endured a thread of discontentment for just as long. I have always wanted to be loved and adored, appreciated and honored as wife by a good and godly man. And those feelings never have gone away.

I know that I do NOT have the gift of celibacy, of being unmarried. I want that. It's near the top of my "life to be lived" list. But God knows, I don't want it a day earlier than is His perfect will for me, lest I have the desires if my heart with leanness in my soul.

These verse spoke to me this afternoon. Mom shared them with me, in an attempt to cheer me up. They are meaningful in many areas. Verse 7 is one of my top five favorite verses in the Scriptures, one that I quote often to remind myself and others of our spiritual authority and destiny. Verse 8 is where the "fresh manna" begins, the part about suffering for the Gospel, having a holy calling according to God's own purpose and grace, appointed to be a preacher and teacher. He is able to keep what I entrust to Him. And what do I entrust to Him? That is the area if faith that I seem to be coming back to over and over.

I know that suffering come in all shapes and sizes. I have offered many a shoulder to a grieving friend or an overburdened mama or former student whose dreams are screwed up and dashed. My suffering just happens to be my singleness, my aloneness. And I will get through it. I have survived victoriously so far for 38 years and will continue to do so for as many more years as God seems fit.

My "zealous witness, devoted prayer life, relentless bible study, good works, holy living, and love for others" should put me on hell's most wanted hate list, according to Leonard Ravenhill. This must make me a target for the devil's onslaught of doubt and discouragement, and I renounce and rebuke him in Jesus' name. For now, I need to say, "Soul, hope in God, for I will yet praise Him!" 

2013 Reminisces, Part 1

It's been a while since I have blogged. A long while. My hiatus can be explained by a determination in late 2012 to spend more time in the Divine Word and less time spinning words of my own.

In the spirit of thinking about the old year disappearing and the new year coming up, I am setting some new goals for 2014. One of those is to begin blogging again, at least one post per month. So that may mean twelve posts, or perhaps more. Who knows...2014 awaits!

Looking back on 2013 over the next several days, I intend to list the adventures that we had, the pain that enlarged in our hearts, and the healing that took place.

Reading  for the Year
I read quite a few online articles coming form a wide variety of sources. I especially enjoyed some brilliant repartee in the form of a theological battle between two current Church leaders over the Charismatic movement in the US. Dr. Michal Brown waxed eloquent and pontificated a rebuttal to John MacArthur's denouncement of the movement and its contributions as a whole: Authentic Fire vs. Strange Fire: It's Not About Winning an Argument

I learned more than I ever had before about the baptism of the Holy Spirit while doing research for a Bible class. And this article by Bill Hamon further explained some things that Derek Prince's informative book did not: Why Speaking in Tongues Matters

The books I read and enjoyed mostly included books required for uni research. This summer I read Brennan Manning's The Furious Longing of God. Intense stuff right there.

And then came Trim Healthy Mama. I bought that book in February at a Nancy Campbell Above Rubies ladies retreat but didn't start reading it until July. Six hundred pages of scientific diet advice and recipes. God immediately started dealing with an area of sin that has largely been unaddressed for many years in my life: gluttony. It's been a lifechanging journey so far, and I have documented it in pictures on Facebook along the way. Since August I have lost thirty-five pounds; thank You, Jesus!

To be continued... ;-)

purposeful suffering

Suffering is a topic that I don't blog about often, yet recently it has been my constant companion.

I have just read Ann Voskamps' Because We All Have These Days When We're Just Hanging on by a String. I have just passed through a time of pain, of soul-searching and sadness. I dug deep in the Word, the life-giving Logos from my Father. I meditated on His promises and lifted my eyes from the very-present trouble in my life onto the hope that He provides believers. For if I am to believe, I must trust. Ann says about a friend:

"She knows there's no lone victors and every conqueror always has a team, so she reaches out to me last week. Tells me with she’s on the front lines and the negative thoughts are shelling her hard and she’s trying to hold the enemy back with the Word because the only way to ever gain ground is to get deeper into God."

I can identify with this sentiment. I have reached out to my sister Tricia to help me, to pray for me and to hold me up. It does me a world of good to know that she has my spiritual back. And my God-fearing Mama's prayers as well.

The pressure and pain of my life center around my life and family:

• the pain of watching someone I love disobey the Lord, and my knowledge of the ongoing curse of consequences
• the pain of having a beloved family member cut off by divorce
• the pain of a brother not walking with God, purposely running away
• the pain of not having any help with household repairs and remodeling
• the pain of daily existence with overwhelming stress
• the pain of feeling inadequate
• the pain of Tricia's debilitating MS
• the pain of Mom's elderliness and frailty
• the pain of my unmarried state
• the pain of the depraved state of our culture
• the pain of feeling I am shouldering my burdens alone

Tricia and I were speaking the other day about being childless. I think that even if I never birth children of my own, I have had spiritual children to pass through my life at different times for over 20 years now, children and young people whom I have invested in, mentored, discipled, and loved. In my finite human mind, they do not seem enough. But if they are all that I will ever have, then our omniscient God deems them enough.

Psalm 25:18 says, "Look on my affliction and my pain and forgive all my sins." I have said this. I recognize His wisdom. I know that my pain is nothing compared to what Jesus in His earthly life and the saints have suffered, so I try to keep what I am going through in perspective. Yet, "Jesus endured the suffering of the cross because of the joy that was set before Him" (Hebrews 12:2). So I MUST look forward to the hope and joy of the end results of it all in my spiritual life.

"Thy Word is a lamp to my feet., and a light unto my path."
Shedding light in my darkness and discouragement
Shedding light on my sins and fears
Shedding light on the truth and real-ness of God in times of pain and need

I am gaining ground and getting deeper.
I want to be Cross-eyed, to be able to understand the purposeful suffering I endure.
I still expect miracles and showdowns.

And God will win in the end!

september

Before September is properly passed, I want to record my favorite month of the year here. This September found my dependence on the Lord depended. In general, I do not become overwhelmed easily. But the stressors of this month, along with the passing of another birthday, found my spirit sagging close to depression. Thankfully, the Lord heard my cries for help and has delivered me. I echo St. Augustine's thoughts:

"Sometimes we do not merit seeing God in a difficult occasion, because we have not cultivated grace in our inner man. We have not sought God in order to grow in grace. That is to say, we do not merit the honor of being set by God in difficult circumstances- situations in which He wants to be made known- because we have not grown in our ability to see Him in our inner man." -St. Augustine, in On Seeing God

In my uni studies, I have studied recently about "Sabbatical living," a concept largely lost on Western culture, but not obscure to me. Since I was a child, we have observed a weekly rest day, free from the demands of life and the busyness of work. As of late, I have determined that I need to take it more seriously, especially since I have been relegating household chores and housework to this day. I reason that I have no other day to get it accomplished, but I have been robbing myself of resting and replenishing. Hense my stress levels pushing me to depression.

Several hours of meditation and memorizing Scripture (I am curently pegging away at Psalm 91), prayer, and reading meaningful books do wonders to my spirit and soul.

I do not realize that when I neglect it, my spirit starts to wither, and I try to re-coup its loss by being busier than I need to be. My heavier burdens are family duties, spiritual burden of family members who purposely live in opposition to the Lord, household needs that are not met adequately, repairs and remodels that additional money and hard-working men are needed for, future unknowns, the pressure of uni classes added to my already high-octane life...these are my issues.

I have missed a wedding this month. I found out that the groom, who I know, has been sinning against God and his wife, who I do not know. It pains me to see him sully her life with his, so I could not, in clear conscience before God, witness those vows.

I have celebrated new life at a baby shower for a former student and secretary (Sarah), who looks forward to welcoming a precious baby girl (Sophia) into her family. I wanted to get her something really nice, something to treasure and keep, so I finally settled on the Spring Portrait Huggable Huggums Madame Alexander baby doll at Let's Play.

I have spent some time in my garden, which has needed some TLC for some time now. Weeding is the name of the game. yesterday, I spent several hours weeding and have a HUGE 3-foot pile to show for it. Now to inaugurate my burn barrel to dispose of them. I am sporting under a dozen ant bites on my hands and arms to show for my labors. I have spent too much $ on ant-killer this year; I think they move from place to place in the yard, instead of dying like they are supposed to!

I purchased three bargain Christian Regency era novels at Lifeway on the day that Mama bought me a large print New Living Translation Life Application Study Bible for my birthday. What a Bible! So far, Tricia and Mom have been enjoying the books (Linore Rose Burkard's The Country House Courtship, and . ;-)

My birthday was spent in Foley with a day of shopping. At first, on our drive out, I thought it was going to be a disaster (Mom was in a mood), but it ironed out (I prayed very hard!), and I had an enjoyable day overall. Fresh Produce had just received a new shipment of dresses and shirts (it's been a long while since they have had anything that fit me). I was blessed with a nice 20% discount, so I bought the girls two sweet blue sundresses. I enjoyed Kitchen Connection as well, getting myself some needed kitchen things (and some foofoo items as well)! Sarah met up with us for a late lunch at Lambert's (enjoy those "throwed rolls"). Delicious food! I spent the next hour browsing in Old Time Pottery. I didn't find much to buy (I was looking for a mercury glass vase or container to add to my dresser collection), but I did get the baking pan that I needed. And then we headed home.

Tricia went out of her way to make my birthday weekend special, and I appreciate and love her for it (and also for being an all-around awesome best friend/sister)! We had a delicious coffee and breakfast biscuit the next morning and spent the day at home and visiting Cori and precious nieces that I love so dearly! That night was the "family birthday dinner" at Carrabbas. Brother paid for my dinner, but spent the evening baiting Mom. It was not enjoyable at all, and in the end I wish I hadn't planned it. We ended the night picking up Krispy Kreme donuts to enjoy over the weekend. Yum!

I am loving my Keurig!!! It was my birthday gift to myself (we don't exchange gifts as a family anymore), and I have been especially enjoying the macadamia flavored coffee. There are so many flavors to explore; I have already found some that I don't like, but more that I do. :-)

Last weekend, I finally was able to store the last of the Christmas storage bins away, as well as clean up and de-clutter the house (living/dining rooms, laundry room). Today I hope to vacuum the main living area, tackle the girls' playroom, and clean out the fridge. In addition to resting, of course! ;-)

in deep

I sense, as I delve into my assigned reading for this class, that I am getting "in deep." This class is Regent's Making of the Christian Mind. And I am LOVING IT!!!

Before I get too many weeks into my studies, I want to post some of the things I am marking and/or highlighting in the many texts, papers, and articles I am required to read.

I counted, and this week alone I have almost 200 pages to read, plus 3 essays to write and a quiz to study for!!! Anyway, the workload is heavy, but so is the enrichment of my theology and spiritual life! :-)

My favorite so far has been Cornelius Plantinga, Jr.'s (cool name, huh?!?) book Engaging God's World. Plantinga served for a time as president at Calvin Theological Seminary, a Reformed bastion. He starts out the book with a dedication to Chuck Colson, one of my Dad's most beloved modern writers and apologists. I liked it already! ;-)

"Cool Quotes" from this book...

"The Holy Spirit authors all truth." (Calvin) Pg. x

"Well-instructed Christians try not to offend the Holy Spirit by scorning truth in non-Christian authors over whom the Holy Spirit has been brooding, but this does not mean that Christians can afford to read these authors uncritically (Calvin, in his Institutes). After all, a person's faith, even in idols, shapes most of what a person thinks and writes, and the Christian faith is in competition with other faiths for human hearts and minds." Pg. x

"Thoughtful Christians know that if we obey the Bible's great commandment to love God with our whole mind, as well as with everything else, then we will study the splendor of God's creation in the hope of grasping part of the ingenuity and grace that form it. One way to love God is to know and love God's work. Learning is therefore a spiritual calling; properly done, it attaches us to God. In addition, the learned person has, so to speak, more to be Christian with." Pg. xi

"Getting educated is an excellent way to prepare for service in the kingdom of God. It's not the only way, but it is an excellent way." Pg. xii

"Educated Christians therefore need to 'know their Bible' in order to lead a life that fits in with the purposes of God." Pg. xii

"Shalom- restoration of peace, justice, and harmony,; the coming of the kingdom." Pg. xii

"There is not a square inch on the whole plain of human existence over which Christ, who is Lord over all, does not proclaim: 'This is Mine!'" (Kuyper), Pg. xiii

"A holy life means a whole life." Pg. xiv

"Only the Holy Spirit can start Pentecost. On the Holy Spirit can blow across your bow (as in ship bow) strongly enough to turn you around for good, but your (Christian) college can help you hoist your sails." Pg. xvi

"Our final joy lies 'beyond the walls of the world.' (Tolkien)
Ultimate beauty comes not from a lover or a landscape or a home, but only through them. (C. S. Lewis) Pg 6

"Our 'inconsolable secret' is that we are full of yearnings, sometimes shy and sometimes passionate, that point us beyond the things of earth to the ultimate reality of God (Lewis, Weight of Glory) Pg 7

"Genuine hope always combines imagination, faith, and desire." Pg. 8

"Without the lens of Scripture to correct and enlarge our vision, we see the world with self-referential bias." Pg 10

"But the person who keeps her head up so that she can lookout toward the future of others- this is a person with some range to her hope. This is a person who has been enlarged by the Holy Spirit (Acts 2:17)." Pg 12

"Without costly action, hope can soften into sentimentality. With costly action, hope may harden into reality." Pg. 14

thankful living

Eucharisteo in my life this week...

133. Pizza and swimming in the sunshine

134. Warm wet hugs and kisses from two precious toddlers

135. Finding an affordable replacement for Mom's worn-out blue rug (identical pattern/colors)

136. Craigslist finds, specifically a burn barrel and an identical replacement for Mom's worn-out blue rug

137. 50% clearance on two new Yankee candles

138. Cocacola fudge cake at Cracker Barrel

139. Fun and relaxation with Mom and sisters

140. The XXX Summer Olympics in London

141. USA gymnast Gabby Douglas' bold witness for the Lord

142. A cool house in the heat of summer

143. Sweet and deep sleep

144. Student loans to pay for online uni classes

145. Texts from across the world

146. The delicious smell of cinnamon struesel muffins

147. Green bell peppers, picked fresh

148. Energy and health to do housework

149. The grace to get what I need to get done, done

150. A Sunday day of rest! :-)

151. The sound of waves crashing on the beach at my feet

152. Making my mortgage payment once again this month

153. Being able to pay off another credit card! :-D


"Give thanks to the Lord! His Love Endures Forever!"

crazy love & mr. chan

I gave a friend a copy of Frances Chan's Crazy Love recently. Last summer, on a whim, I ordered my first audio-book and listened to Mr. C read his Crazy Love. This was tricky, since I am LARGELY a visual person and do NOT have much of an auditory modality at all. Mr. C boldly attacks several American ideologies that we hold dear, many "culturisms" that are not Scriptural and not in any way true. My "American sensibilities" were challenged as my mind reverted to some ideas that theologian Dietrich Bonhoeffer had proposed during the '30-40s, ideas regarding the then current Christians' unbiblical thinking and practices. And Chan's premiss that our God is jealous over us, that He is relentless in His pursuit of us, is fascinating! Ideas that I know in my head, and I need to realize more fully in my heart.

Now said friend has asked me about my favorite part of Crazy Love.
Well, I have many favorite parts! :-D  Here are some of my fav excerpts from the first chapters.

Chapter 1:

"Our culture says anything goes; fear of God is almost iunheard of. We are slow to listen, quick to speak, and quick to become angry. The wise man comes to God without saying a word and stands in awe of Him...Romans tells us that through creation, we see His 'invisible qualities' and 'divine nature.'"

"R. C. Sproul writes, 'Men are never duly touched and impressed with a conviction of their insignificance, until they have constrasted themselves with the majesty of God.'"

"There is an epidemic of spiritual amnesia going around, and none of us is immune. No matter how many fascinating details we learn about God's creation, no matter how many pictures we see of His galaxies, and no matter how many sunsets we watch, we still forget."

"We are programmed to focus on what we don't have, bombarded multiple times throughout the daywith what we need to buy that will make us feel happier or sexier or more at peace. This disatisfaction transfers over to our thinking about God. We forget that we already have everything we need in Him."

"Isn't it a comfort to worship a God we cannot exaggerate?"

"Not being able to fully understand God is frustrating but it is ridiculous for us to think we have the right to limit God to something we are capable of comprehending. What a stunted, insignificant god that would be!"

"He knows our thoughts before we think them, our actions before we commit them, whether we are lying down or sitting or walking around. He knows who we are and what we are about. We cannot escape Him, even if we want to.When I grow weary of trying to be faithful to Him and want a break, it doesn't come as a surprise to God."

"God is the only Being who is good, and the standards are set by Him."

 "All the people of the earth are regarded as nothing. He does as he pleases with the powers of heaven and the peoples of the earth. No one can hold back his hand or say to him, 'What have you done?'" -Daniel 4:35

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Do not be anxious about anything." -Phil. 4:4, 6


Chapter 2:

"Worry implies that we don;'t quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what's happening in our lives.

Stress says that the things we are involved in are important enough to merit our impatience, our lack of grace toward others, or our tight grip of control.

Basically, these two behaviors communicate that it's okay to sin and not trust God because the stuff in my life is somehow exceptional. Both worry and stress reek of arrogance."

OUCH!!! This ^^ is like reading my bio! :-(
More to come...

great peace have those

"Great peace have those who love Your law, And nothing causes them to stumble." -Psalm 119:165

I am getting a really HARD lesson in this in recent days, going through some spiritually trying circumstances and trials that could very well rend my soul, if God were not my Rock.

I know that I have asked the Lord to let me learn my lessons well. We had a saying in our house when I was growing up, something to the effect that we'd be "going around the mountain" until we were neck deep in a trench of learning lessons. As I have grown more mature in my faith, this is more lie than truth. I want to learn my lessons, so I can move on to learn others- going from "strength to strength." The fact that I am going through this again and again means that there is something in me that resists it, in some way, and God wants to rend it from my heart.

It hurts, Lord! Help to me forgive and rest in Your peace. Help me not to stumble and harbor bitterness. Help me to love YOU enough to love those who seek to hurt me as a result.

"He has shown you, O man, what is good; And what does the Lord require of you. But to do justly, To love mercy, And to walk humbly with your God?"  -Micah 6:8

 "Create in me a clean heart, O God, And renew a steadfast spirit within me." -Psalm 51:10

a day to fill the cracks

I have been needing a day off. A day to fill up the cracks in my faith.
Off from work, from family stress, from financial pressure, from life in general.
Sometimes I get too entrenched in it all.

So today is that day. Actually, a combo of yesterday morning and today that I have managed to eek out. A day just to soak and read the Word and pray and worship and let the Holy Spirit heal my soul and minister to my spirit.

Chris Sligh on Pandoa provides the backdrop.
My old Living Bible as the Meat.
My laptop as an apply conduit of God's Grace.

I'm reading 1 Thessalonians and more.
Verses that speak to this weary heart...

1:5  "For when we brought you the Good News, it was not just meaningless chatter to you; no, you listened with great interest. What we told you produced a POWERFUL EFFECT upon you, for the Holy Spirit gave you great and full assurance that what we said was true. And you know that our very lives were further proof to you of the truth of our message."

1:10  "And they speak of how you are looking forward to the return of God's Son from heaven-Jesus, whom God brought back to life- and He is our only Savior from God's terrible anger against sin."

2:4  "For we speak as messengers from God, trusted by Him to tell the truth; we change His message not one bit to suit the taste of those who hear it; for we serve God alone, who examines our hearts' deepest thoughts."

2:7-8  "But we were as gentle among you as a mother feeding and caring for her own dear children. We loved you dearly- so dearly that we gave you not only God's message, but our own lives too."

2:11-12  "We talked to you as a father to his own children...pleading with you, encouraging you and even demanding that your daily lives should not embarrass God, but bring joy to Him who invited you into His Kingdom to share His glory. And we will never stop thanking God for this: that when we preached to you, you didn't think of the words that we spoke as being just our own, but you accepted what we said as the very Word of God- which, of course, it was- and it changed your lives when you believed it."

2:18  "...but Satan stopped us."

2:19-20  "For what is it we live for, that gives us hope and joy and is our proud reward and crown? It is you! Yes, you will bring us much joy as we stand together before our Lord Jesus Christ when He comes back again. For you are our trophy and joy."

3:2-3  "I decided...to send Timothy...to visit you to strengthen your faith  and encourage you, and to keep you from becoming fainthearted in all the troubles you were going through. (But of course you know that such troubles are a part of God's plan for us Christians..)."

3: 10  "For night and day we pray on and on for you, asking God to let us see you again, to fill up any little cracks there may yet be in your faith."

3:12  "And may the Lord make your love to grow and overflow to each other and to everyone else, just as our love does toward you. This will result in your hearts being made strong, sinless, and holy by God our Father, so that you may stand before Him guiltless on that day when our Lord Jesus Christ returns with all those who belong to Him."

God heals and speaks through His Word!

i never knew you

"Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit. A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit. Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down , and cast into the fire. Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.

Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven. Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works? And then will I profess unto them , I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity." -Matthew 7:17-23

I can't understand the spiritual audacity of people who use the name of God to excuse living lives of sin, wickedness, and iniquity. I try to wrap my head around it, and I can't. I want to yell and scream and cry and grieve for the state of the Church. The state of decay of the believers I know is disconcerting. And I know how we got here.

We have not sought the face of God.

We have not practiced "perseverance of the saints."

We have not worked out our faith.

We Christians are supposed to be running a race towards the mark of the HIGH CALLING of Christ. The Olympic trails have been running on tv all week. I see the track and field athletes, and hear their stories of dedication and sacrifice.

We as the Church are going to have to experience so much purification if Jesus is going to come back any time soon!

In the above passage, Jesus was speaking to the multitudes and specifically to His disciples. He was talking to the people who were closest to Him.

I want to be one of those whose ears are open and heart is set to obey.

I don't want my life's works to be burnt up. If "wonderful works" can be counted as naught, that is a serious deal to consider.
Seriously.

"Work out your own salvation with fear and trembling." -Philippians 2:12

summertime, and the livin' is easy

It is the first week of my blessed summer!!!
I have not worked a bit, no siree! ;-P
Just cleaned the main part of the house from top to bottom- laundry room, playroom, family room, ad my bedroom. And all my paper clutter and piles of files, mail, bills, finances, and what-not are G-O-N-E.

The month of May was a blur for sure! So many days, packed to the brim with activity and busy-ness. Graduation for CIAS's fifteenth graduating class went off with precision and little-to-no drama. We chose to "go smaller" with the after-reception, and that worked out very well. Twenty-one seniors this year...time flies on. This year's end-of-school activity was a trip to Adventure Island in Orange Beach. We all had amped-up fun with arcades, laser tag, go carts, and bumper boats. The kids had a blast, judging from their numerous FB posts!

All this spring, I have been gardening and getting more active. And in the meantime, I have lost 15 pounds!!! I have great energy and stamina, and am sleeping well and keeping up with household activities with renewed vigor. And I had my hair trimmed almost five inches, but it is still pretty long comparatively. I like the feel of the shorter length, thickness, and bounce. :-D

I finished my education degree in May; that was a looooong road that I was glad to see finish...since 2007 it was! Summa Cum Laude, Phi Theta Kappa, Kappa Delta Pi, & two Scholastic Achievement Awards later, I am exhausted. I was accepted at Regent U in March (YAY!!!), and all my registration and paperwork is completed. All that is left is the final stages of student loans and promissory notes. I am taking some Bible classes right off the bat. I think that I am out of my mind as well.

Sarah and I are busy beavers in regards to weekends and bakery wedding cakes. We did two wedding cakes last weekend, have two to do this coming weekend, and one next week. It's a blur of beauty that never slows or stops. I will be glad once July heat hits, and we will get a reprieve from the pellmell of cakes. :-)

Marie Brunner is getting married tomorrow to her Amos, and I am missing it due to previous cake obligations. :-( I have known her for over 20 years now, it's hard to believe. So many of my former students are getting married this year...I just received an invitation for Graeson's wedding for later this month!


MOVIES
Last Saturday, after our workday was done, we went to see my first theatre movie of the year, "Snow White and the Huntsman." It was a ethereal and sinister take on the story, with brilliant digital and blue suit work...kind of a cross between Peter Jackson's work in "Lord of the Rings" and a medieval "Robinhood." Really enjoyed it! Besides, the "man candy" was nice! ;-)

Now that all our favorite tv shows are on hiatus (Castles, The Mentalist, NCIS, NCIS: LA), I have been rifling through our movie stash and watching one every night. Last night it was "Tuck Everlasting" and tonight the modern version of "Pride and Prejudice."


And BOOKS!!!
Now that it is summer, and I am not in college classes, I have been reading in earnest. First was Todd Burpo's Heaven is for Real, about his son's experiences in heaven during a short surgery interval. I am finishing Ann Voskamp's One Thousand Gifts this weekend. SUCH a good and challenging book!!! I have been doing her 1000 Gifts challenge on this blog this year, in a haphazard fashion.

Next up is Annie Dillard's Pilgrim at Tinker Creek, Francis Chan's trilogy of Crazy Love/Forgotten God/Erasing Hell, and to finish Randy Alcorn's Heaven.

week in review

This week was the annual achievement testing at CIAS. Last week, I had had Sendi and Aly check and double check the cumulative file records and make sure of last year’s test levels so that we would not have any oopsies this year. Last Sunday afternoon, Tricia and I went over to pack everything up and make sure that the pencils were sharpened, timers were boxed, and signs were printed.

We watched the first installment of PBS Masterpiece’s newest "Great Expectations" and really enjoyed the diversion. After that, I went to bed a little early, in anticipation of the exhausting week.  

Woke up on Monday morning early. Bro. Mike was there to help direct the table and chair set up.
Bless his heart.
He has always been such a blessing to us and the school. He is a true Christian, a man of character in word AND deed. We set up the tests, splitting the high school students into two testing rooms, one for me to proctor and the other for Tricia and Michael Carty. Mama and Dr. Bouvin proctored the 3^rd-8^th tests. Then, about halfway through the second testing session, I began to feel AWFUL. Just all of a sudden, I began to shake with chills and ache all over with slight nausea. I felt so bad, and since I very seldom sick, it hit me really hard.

I soldiered through the tests that morning, went immediately home to bed, and slept the rest of the day, even missing class and my diversity lesson plan presentation. I was able to submit the short-answer essay that I had forgotten to do over the weekend and shoot Mrs. LiCause off an e-mail explaining my absence. She emailed right back and said that I can present this week, so no problem. Yay! But I did miss completing 2.5 hours of observations that I have to get done this month. Then I got a splitting headache, ate a banana and crackers that night and began to feel slightly better. I felt so weak the next morning so Dr. Bouvin and Michael proctored my room for the Tues and Wed test sessions while I stayed home and slept. I showed up on Wed to help direct the “tear-down” effort and take pics of all the kids, but I accidentally left my camera memory card at home, so that was pffttt! 

I did get to complete 5 hours of observations on Tues & Thur evenings at Collegiate High. I am sitting in on Jerry Cox’s Algebra 2 class where the teacher teaches very little and the students learn even less. It is a high school class, so no problem kids or probationers, etc. It is eye-opening, to say the least. These kids’ lives are just falling apart; it’s so sad. I have 7.5 hours completed, out of a total 15 required. 

On Wed, I went to Nutrition lab class. It was about enzymes and the breaking down of food, all pretty interesting. Since I had been sick, I for once was a little “hands-off” so my team got to blast away while I held back and observed. We take weekly quizzes in that class, and I LOVE my lab mates: Lisa (awesome girl, married, 2 kids, born again), Linda (teacher, Christian, older lady) and Billy (former Navy Seal, stutters, wants to be a ROTC teacher).

Afterwards was our scheduled dinner introducing our family and the Osteen parents. This a part of our family's life that we don't talk about very much: my brother Daniel and his role in our family. I had met Mr. O before, but it was our first introduction to Mrs. Corrie Lynn and Juliana have not yet learned to stay in their seats in a restaurant, so it’s always a misadventure to entertain and cajole them while other aunts eat in shifts. Daniel hadn’t been over or seen the girls since Christmas, so they didn’t know him and were a little frightened of him. It was also so late (after church for Brian and Cori, after class for Tricia and I), and I was more than exhausted. Bleh! 

The evening went as well as it could have, I guess. They seem to be very nice people. Even with as long as it’s been, I have still not come to grips with the fact that Daniel is divorced, let alone both of them dating and moving on. It is all so against the grain of the way we believe a Christian is supposed to live their life, in covenant with God and in the pursuit of holiness for eternity. I can’t wrap my head around it, no matter how hard I try. And I do try, in the spirit of God's agape, love him and his.

One of my former students was in my office with a younger sibling the other day, and made a comment about when Daniel does surrender to God’s call on his life, what a great testimony it will be. And unpremeditated, I replied, “No, I disagree. The greatest testimony of God’s saving power is of the person who has lived their whole life in relentless abandon to God, rejecting sin and temptation, and living wholeheartedly for the Lord. I would rather live a thousand of my life over again, than experience the regret and anguish over living half a life in sin and in the clutches of the devil. And the consequences for the decisions that he has made will haunt and dog him every day of the rest of his life. That is not the greatest testimony.”

Later, as I was retelling the incident to Mom, she commented on the fact that Daddy had regretted so much of what he had done as a young man before he was saved, so much so, that he never talked about it. And now that I think about it, I don't recall him telling stories from his unsaved days. Mom said he grieved over it. I began to think of Paul’s testimony recitation in Galatians 1, “But when it pleased God, who separated me from my mother's womb, and called me by his grace, to reveal his Son in me, that I might preach him among the heathen.” Such pain and sorrow our family has been through, a sort of refiner's fire, with regards to our boy. I just want him to be saved, in the radical, life-changing way that the rest of us have! I have prayed so long, but I am not giving up. Never!

Well, the rest of the week went a little better. I felt better, so that helped! Thursday and Friday, I proctored the untimed students at the school from 8:30 am to 2:30 pm. Saturday was our only Saturday off from a wedding cake at the bakery, so I slept late, then took a little swimming dip with the babies in the pool, went to Johnson beach with “The Sarahs”- my sissy and Sarah Stevens White. The sun was warm, and we soaked it up for a long while. I enjoyed sun bathing on a sheet for the first time, instead of sitting in a chair; definitely going to do that again! But the wind was too brisk, so after several hours and millions of chill bumps, I was good-to-go! Dropped by Diamond Nails and got pedis and manis before heading home with Happy China takeout. I went with a bold n’ bright pinkish coral for both hands and feet, with their signature design on my big toes.

We watched “The Passion of the Christ” on TBN last night right before bed.  If anyone asks me what my favorite movie is, I say that one. I can only watch it once in a long while; it gets me so emotional about what Jesus did for me.  It is a life-changing experience just to see His agony and sacrifice. Words do not render it justice.

Up early this Easter morning to go shopping for dinner ingredients and Easter egg hunt supplies. Got incredibly cute white Easter baskets and fillings for the girlies’ eggs:
yogurt-covered raisins
pistachios
m&m peanuts
Brack’s jelly beans
Interesting, huh? Also got some candy for us big kids. ;-) I got busy prepping dinner while Tricia fried up some bacon and baked strawberry cheesecake muffins for breakfast. Mom  helped by stuffing the girls’ eggs while I cooked.

The Jones family Easter dinner menu: honey glazed spiral cut ham, sweet potato casserole, turnip greens, yeast rolls (our old from-scratch recipe), sweet tea, and yummy spiced peach cobbler with ice cream.
Cori and the girls and Sarah even joined us. The girls’ enthusiasm to find the eggs that I scattered all over the yard was slow to start but it picked up momentum. They just wanted to open the eggs and eat the contents!

I missed Daddy; our family is not the same since he is gone to heaven!

I am thinking that I may need a spiritual sabbatical, a time to retreat from social activities and evening interaction to spend extended time with the Lord. Since I can’t just check out of the reality of my life and responsibilities, I am thinking of doing it over the course of the next several weeks. I need a healthy dose of agape, because my “love tank” has gotten pretty stripped out. I have already taken to only listening to spiritually edifying music. Been especially enjoying Kari Jobe this spring.

“How He Loves” by John Mark McMillan:

He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I Realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

Pre-Chorus:
And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

Chorus:
Yeah, He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves.

Verse 2:
We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
So Heaven meets earth like a sloppy, wet kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…

Verse 3:
Well, I thought about You the day Steven died,
And You met me between my breaking.
I know that I still love You, God, despite the agony.
Cause people...they want to tell me You're cruel,
But if Stephen could sing, he'd say it's not true, cause...