autumn living

I love writing. I have been a passionate writer since I was was 7 or 8, when I started keeping a daily prayer diary. Those precious simple words, printed out my young hands are a treat to read, along with the simple illustrations painstakingly drawn. 

About the time I turned 21 and moved back from Indiana, the Internet had happened, and I turned to the pages of an online blog, first on Livejornal and then MySpace. And so it goes.

Now I have two blogs. One is private, the other public here where I write about what I deem encouraging or uplifting. I always get a writer's boon each fall season. I don't know whether it has to do with autumn being my favorite season, or whether it is refreshing after our wilting Florida summers, and I am seeking to reinvent more than the sweltering weather and my burnt-out garden. I enjoy the renewal, the cathartic release of thoughts and hopes and plans.

Here's to a blessed and restful autumn season. There's a lot going on, but I am going to endeavor to snatch moments for soul Sabbath. It's been a particularly difficult year, full of changes and issues that I can't reveal (as they relate to the workings and running of the school), and I am needing the peace. Shalom to all!

mama

It's Mother's Day, and I have an incredible mom whom I appreciate more and more each day. I see acquaintances posting about missing their moms who are now gone on to eternity, and I am reminded afresh how thankful I am to have my mom still here with me. I'm blessed, and I want to bless her!

Life has not been without its struggles. Mom didn't have many life examples...examples of godly wives or long-suffering mothers. She did have examples of good cooks and housekeepers, and she became both of those! But the wife and mother roles she forged on her own with the great Teacher to guide her.

She would be the first person to admit that she didn't do everything right. But she has done so much right, by the grace of God. Mamas, don't ever give up on the most difficult jobs that God gives you. Yahweh gave my mama the courage, strength, and fortitude to stand in the gap, to make difficult decisions, to reach outside of herself for strength, and to rely on the Lord to know what to do to make marriage and motherhood work.

My mama's children rise up and bless her. Her husband praised her every chance he got. I love and appreciate her every day.

When I need someone to bounce an idea off of, she is always ready to give advise. She loves God's Word and studies it daily. She fears the Lord and is honorable. She created a home for all of us, a feathered nest in which we could grow and mature. I remember many poignant moments and snatches of time that she spent with me as a child...reading Arch books in a sing-song voice, drawing my favorite Precious Moments figures, taking naps, kneeling by her side to ask Jesus into my heart, playing Uno with the fam all crowded on their bed, learning how to cook and sew, and some of our more recent ventures...trying new international foods and exploring the world of essential oils and wellness together. Mom is brave and truly a mighty warrior, even if she doesn't realize it. I bless the Lord for giving me to her.

I am several months away from turning 40, and I remember when she was 40. Our adult lives have had very little in common, but we have everything that counts for eternity in common: seeking first God's kingdom and His face first; loving Him with all our hearts, souls, minds, and strengths; and letting the Light of the world shine through us. And she taught me that.

I love you dearly, Mama! ❤️

my tongue is the pen of a ready writer

"My heart overflows with a good theme; I address my verses to the King; My tongue is the pen of a ready writer." -Psalm 45:1

A Psalm of Individual Thanksgiving
“The Lord Saves Me from the Troubles of Life”
By Mary Beth Jones

I love Yahweh, for He hears my petition and my cry for help.

I lift my voice in the night time and whisper aloud to Him in the morning hours.

My Abba is near and answers my prayers when I call on His name.

Selah.

For the pressures of life sweep over me like an ocean wave.

I am bowled over and am in the grip of strong undertow.

I cannot free myself; only Yahweh can save me.

The sands of life drag me down into the depths, and I am drowned in anxiety.

I am overcome with fretfulness, and my responsibilities overwhelm me.

Sleep escapes me, and I lay awake in worry and apprehension.

Lord, you are sovereign. You are in control of the universe.

You rule over the principalities and powers of this world and reign supreme over the devil and his tormentors.

Remind me that You are also my Abba and that You care for me.

You know everything about me; I can hide nothing from You.

I am your child, and you know my comings and goings.

You, O Lord, have been kind to me. In my low state, you saw and rescued me.

Your lovingkindness has overcome my fears and brought me peace.

Selah.

I am compelled to praise Yahweh in my troubles, for He has trounced them.

I will overcome, in the strength of the Lord, and will arise in victory over the dark places.

O Lord, my refuge, I will never be ashamed that I put my trust in You.

I will praise His name forever and live a life of thanksgiving.

ridiculous, impractical faith

I have been on a journey of faith during the last six months or so. My sister Sarah became engaged to be married and announced something that I kinda knew was coming, that she wants to be free of the financial burden of the home that we purchased together almost a decade ago.

I have had mixed feelings all along.

In addition to my being physically and emotionally peri-menopausal now, I am not keen on the idea of losing ten years of equity. We still owe on the house, so selling it just sets us free from the next twenty-nine years of mortgage payments (we had refinanced earlier last year). But we will certainly lose the last ten years of investment if we can get out of it what we owe. That's a big IF.

Then there is the whole idea that I held when purchasing the property, that it was to be a long-term investment property that could be used to house members of the family or as residual rental income. I have liked this last idea, especially since I know I need to plan for support in the far future (i.e. I have no inheritance coming my way, nor retirement income stashed away, nor children to support me). I like to plan ahead, not in a "fearful of the future" way, but in a "wise man looks to the affairs of his household" kind of way.

And then on the other hand, I would like to be financially free from the obligation. I live in another home, as primary caregiver to my elderly mom and dependent sister and as primary custodian of two other household properties, so I admittedly have too much on my plate financially. I would love to be able to free up that mortgage payment to pay down my credit cards and make much-needed repairs and remodeling to the home that I live in. It seems like the sensible thing to do, to sell it. The practical thing to do.

So we made the decision to put it in the market. We chose the realtor, after Sarah vetted eight or more. Some were very depreciatory regarding its worth, while others were more hopeful to sell it as a great family home.

All the while, my hopes started to soar. If God is in this sale, it will happen...and quickly! How many times have I seen God sell a home or orchestrate a move according to His will?!? I know He can do it, if He wants to.

But does He want us to sell it?

Sarah is now married, and the financial pressure is on us even more. The Lord has sent renters to live in the house for the time being. I know that this is His provision, a way for us to save up to put in the much-needed HVAC system and windows and to make long overdue repairs. In the years we have owned it, none have been made. This has bothered me, but again, there is nothing I could do about it since I have had so much other responsibilities and demand for my time and money.

I asked the Lord for His direction, for a definite sign or word of guidance. He did speak through several verses in 2 Chronicles, that He would repay everything that I have lost, with more besides. 

But as to the sale He has been largely silent. I haven't known if He has had nothing to say, or if He has Ben speaking loudly through His silence.

Today, I have been reading Derek Prince's Through the Psams as an addendum to a Regent class that I am currently taking. And the Lord is finally speaking, praise His name! I have been waiting for this download!!!

Psalm 1:1-3

But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night...whatever he does prospers.

"If you fill your heart and mind continually with His law, and if you direct your life according to it, then blessing and prosperity are your God-appointed portion." -DP

Psam 4:6-7

Many are asking, "Who can show us any good?" Let the light of your face shine upon us, O Lord...

"Real goodness has only one source. It comes from the Lord. When He lifts up the light of His face upon us, that light dispels the darkness of uncertainty and insecurity and pessimism." -DP

Psams 5:12

For surely, O Lord, you bless the righteous; you surround them with your favor as with a shield.

"One the one hand, we need to deviate less time and effort to making provision for material security. On the other hand, we need to be more concerned about making sure our lives are right before God; that we qualify for that blessing of the Lord which He reserved for the righteous- and only for the righteous...Righteousness pays better-and more enduring- dividends than cleverness or expediency or self-interest." -DP

life and provision

I spent some much-needed time out in my yard today, tending and weeding and enjoying the warm weather and sunshine for a change. It felt good to touch and inhale the wonderful aroma of healthy black garden soil once again. I was not able to plant a winter garden this last fall and have missed it! On top of having way too much on my plate life-wise, we have had a very cold winter here on the Florida panhandle. I know that most of the rest of the country has been snowed in, but still. This Floridian blood is too thin for unending days of freezing rain and bone-chilling, sunless 20's and 30s.

I now have a whole patch of the garden weeded and ready for planting. I am thinking that various greens seedlings (collards, chard, kale, spinach, and several lettuces) can go into the ground in the next several weeks.

Why does my yard get all the ant hills?!? I need better ant killer this year.

Burned the last of the 12 trash bags of old business records from the bakery. Since Trish has been sick for so long, we are just now catching up with sorting through all the accounting records and throwing out too-old-and-not-needed years of receipts and paperwork that only can be burned or shredded. It took me almost a month to get around to start burning it all in my barrel, but today I finished the last three bags! I love the smell of fire. Gotta get my fire pit set up and use it!

A roofer friend is bartering for repairing and re-roofing the shed. It has been in bad shape for many years now, something Dad didn't take care of before he passed. Whole sections of roof decking are rotten, and the second story has leak stains everywhere now. I don't like organizing this sort of thing, maybe because I grew up in a family that had pretty clear jurisdictions and boundaries (my area was NOT the outdoors upkeep!). It is difficult for me to see the need to invest in a piece of property that serves as storage, but if we don't keep it up, where would we store all our tools, Christmas decor, old furniture, and stuff?! It's going to get metal roofing that will last much longer this time.

Want to replace the wooden fencing that has fallen or is falling down around the family house, but after getting an estimate, that is going to have to wait. Everything costs too much, and I certainly don't have enough finances to fund it all by myself.

Sarah's and my house at 2110 is now on the market. I don't think that the realtor that was chosen is going to be aggressive enough, but I can;t worry about it. I am fully expecting God to sell it since He has promised me that He will! At first, I felt like I was being bullied into selling it, but then Abba spoke to me and let me know that His hand was in it. I need to be free of the financial burden that it has become. Sarah wants to be free of it now that she is getting married and has no use for it anymore. I try not to think in my finite human terms...almost a decade of investment down the drain and so much money lost on what was supposed to be a long-term real estate investment. I am praying that we can sell it for as much as we owe on it at this point in this economy. I have nothing left financially since I support both Mom and Tricia and receive no help from the other siblings (as Dad expected, I guess). God will provide, our Jehovah Rapha.

I joined a women's Bible study at Hillcrest these last six week, a teaching by Priscilla Shirer on Gideon. It was amazing! Am so glad I bit the bullet and squeezed it into my schedule, even though I have felt a bit frenetic in other areas of life as a result.  The theme of it has been "My weakness, God's Faithfulness." It has been timely in my life.

I now have a Twitter account! Yes, you read that right! Partly because of the weekly Bible study Tweets and partly because I have wanted to join for awhile now, in addition to my Instagraming and Facebooking. I remember my painfully introverted self of the past and chuckle!

My Young Living business is beginning to take off now; I told my fam that it is a little scary how fast it is picking up! I am teaching once-a-month classes at the school now; taught one in January, and on in Pace several weeks ago. We had 16 women (and 1 man!) at this week's class on Dr. Mom and Women's Health. So many people need help...I know this is another ministry from the Lord!

everything IS spiritual

I have been reading all the recent news articles about Rob Bell's interview with Oprah, a woman whom I consider to be the epitome of most-modern hedonism. Here is one such ARTICLE.

I had to watch the clips for myself, to hear Mr. Bell say that God's inerrant Word is not relevant for today's culture. Broke my heart to hear it.

This all brings to mind the months following Daddy's earthly passing, the long evenings and weekends of crying and grieving and missing and wishing. And then a friend, who was struggling with her own demons, loaned me her copy of Rob Bell's speech, "Everything is Spiritual."

I must have watched it close to a dozen times in the several months that I had it borrowed. Over and over.

The message spoke to my heart, plucking the out-of-tune strings of my emotions and tightening them up. It helped me to pull myself together, to know that God is good, even in the midst of the pain and sorrow.

Thank you, friend, for sharing it with me. You know who you are!

God can use anything...anyone...to perform His work whenever and wherever He wills. Even a blasphemer.

May God have mercy on Mr. Bell's soul and may he repent from the error of his ways.

goals and planners

I started the Gideon Bible study last week. I think it promises to be wonderful. Mama and Minita are going with me, and I love the peppy lady Pam that facilitates the study.

Sarah bridal shower is next Saturday. I met with Tammy at the church to look at all the decor that is available, and I have been collecting everything that I have and want to use. I am feeling good about it, and the other bridesmaids are planning to be involved with helping. Tomorrow is a holiday, so I can get more done (photos printed, etc.)

Things are moving forward towards selling Sarah and my house, 2110. Her Mark has owned a house for several years, and they don't want to start married life with the responsibility and burden of two mortgage payments. At first, I was pissed, since I will be losing almost a decade of equity into a real estate investment (that was all it ever was for me, since I love the family home and want to live there). I asked the Lord what to do, and for a long time I heard nothing. Then, boom! Around the first of the year He spoke pretty loudly, and not just to me. Mama, Tricia, and I all are reading the McCheyne plan for reading through the Bible, so within a week's time we all had heard the same thing out of 2 Chronicles. It was cool. But Sarah and Mark have still been worried about it all because it affects their finances and could affect their wedding date. I am at peace that God will sell it sooner rather than later!!!

My Cognitive Psych class started in Monday as well. I love studying the brain and mind and love this professor, Dr. Russell, as well!

This week was busy. On Monday I had b

Bible study and came home to start my class. On Tuesday I went to an ENT appointment with a new doc, Dr. Bots at Baptist, to get my ears cleaned out before I have any more problems with them. That night I taught a "Basic Essential Ouls" class, and 11 ladies attended. On Friday I picked up orders across town: a Frontier Co-op order and some Ortho Jelly from Old Thyme Remedies. I finally got an iPhone 6 as well. That has been several years overdue, since I dunked my 4S in a pool while chaperoning at a school event. It is not a personal purchase since I mainly use it for school business every day of the the week, so that is a nice perk of working for a non-profit. Then yesterday, after studying cognitive neuroscience all day and taking a test, we took Sarah out for her 33rd birthday and went bridesmaid dress shopping. I think that I might have the dress that I want...a pretty lace-bodice chiffon dress with a fishtail back. 

Today is my Sabbath. I am doing Bible study homework, setting goals for the week, bridal shower prep, cleaning out the fridge, and sorting through a pile of paperwork and receipts that has piled up in the last month. 

happy new year

Here it is. The beginning of a new year. A year of new beginnings.

2014 was a doozy. I can say that I am glad, heartily glad to see it go. It was such a hard year, trying my soul and spiritual mettle to breaking. And my dreams and goals have grown and broadened.

We rang in the new year with Alex and the Horn kids. We had watched all nine hours of the the LOTR extended trilogy and ate lots of snacks. It was a great start to 2015!

GROWTH
I was asked what is my WHY several times, especially towards the end of the year. It is a question that the Young Living hierarchy beats on their encouragement drums. I read my first MLM business-building book in October. The Four Year Career by Richard Brooke was a quick yet inspiring read. I look forward to expanding my knowledge about essential oils, as well as building this business.

As I thought about my WHY, I discovered several things about myself. First, I am not as organized as I would like to be. I have spent many hours over this holiday sorting through piles of paperwork, receipts, mail, old bills, and school papers that should never have been allowed to accumulate. I can do better than this, I know.

The second thing that I realized is that I cannot do everything. I cannot do more than I can do. And sometimes, I need to sit and sip a cup of hit tea and think about nothing. It's not about how groomed my yard is, or how beautiful my garden is, whether I get everything done that I need to do, making an "A" on every paper and test, or signing up new YL members at every class I teach. It is about trusting God and taking each day as it is given to me.

A BETTER ORGANIZED LIFE
I am starting my journey towards a more organized life with a 2015 Calendar Planner. I purchased it today and am excited to use it. I confess, I have never used one. Ever. I have always journaled and blogged in various levels of writing fervor, but I have never, to my knowledge, written down my goals, appointments, and busyness.

CIAS & MY CAREER
During October's FCCPSA training workshop, I learned several new organization tools that we have already implemented and will continue to develop. I designed and published a brand new CIAS website. I am very proud of it. I spent over a month this past summer working on it, deconstructing the old one and creating a fresh new advertisement profile and informational website. For the very first time, we also transitioned into online reporting system. I am not entirely pleased with the record-keeping website that we chose (it was the only one that I knew of at the time), but I have since found another that I think will better suit our record-keeping needs. I also created a professional profile for the school (to be used for NCAA and such) and wrote a new Scope and Sequence manual, complete with learning objectives for each grade level. There is more to do on it, tweaking it to my liking, but the first edition is published.

Getting the last graduating class through school was quite a feat. Many of them were unmotivated, and some have just finished this December. Prom in April was a bomb in more ways than one. I was asked, by the organizing committee, to leave the premises twice. The gall of some people. I had forty students with me and have always stayed to watch over them. Other that that poisonous sting, it was a fun evening. But...the kids have decided that we will throw our own prom this spring. Oh, boy! There will be more about that to come, I am sure.

Summer was largely absent from school this fall, as her mother was in the last stages of cancer treatment before she died in October. Kristen has been my right hand woman, especially since Tricia has not been at 100%. One noted miracle of the year happened on one day that Kristen could not come to work, and that next morning, it was as if Tricia rose from a deathbed to teach again. I was in awe of Jehovah Jireh!

FINANCES
I have been working very hard to pay off all my credit cards. I hate my debt, and I hate that I let myself get into debt. Student loans are bad enough, without having my former spending habits haunting me. I have been gaining control and have been doing so much better, each year gaining  more and more control and disciplined over my finances. I started working on paying it all down/off three years ago. In 2014 I have paid off three two cards completely, and they are now out of circulation, so to speak.

Tricia finally qualified for disabilities. Poor thing. She can't work very much anymore, her physical body is so weak and stiff. But her disabilities is a pittance. I want her to get a lawyer, and her neuro suggests it. So I have taken the brunt of supporting the family. I barter with one of my school families, and their boys help me with landscaping and yard work. So the yard is getting tamed, more to my liking. And Tricia gains strength and continues to maintain the bookkeeping and taxes and all her accounting duties. Things I have never had the patience for.

I also refinanced the 2110 house this year (Okay, I HAVE gotten a lot done this year!!!). We are saving ourselves several hundred dollars a month now, and Sarah has kept renters all year, but I have profited little from that income. I have funded several home repairs and remodels at the 2012 house in 2014. That is where I live with Mom and Tricia. Half the house is unused, so we cordon it off to save money. We finally had the tile shower finished in the newly combined bathroom that Daniel had started so many years ago, as well as a dozen other projects that Bryan M fixed for us. Daniel came over and ran my dryer lint hose out the back of the house, so that it would not continue to blow into the rec room and make a mess. It is so much nicer, and I am thankful to him.

HEALTH, OR LACK THEREOF
Tricia and her bushel-full of health issues almost swallowed the summer in its entirety. What an ordeal she has been through, and what effort Mama and I have put out to save her health!!! In March, I put Tricia on a stricter Paleo diet, and in April I joined Young Living to use essential oils on Tricia. By the time May rolled around, Tricia was off her feet. By June, she was bedridden. After 90 days, we began to see results from our drastic efforts. It was a very difficult three months. Thank Hashem for His mercy and grace throughout that trial. I thought I was going to have a heart attack from all the pressure.

She was finally diagnosed with a general diagnosis of inflammatory arthritis and is now on methotrexate to help with pain, swelling, and stiffness levels. Her colonoscopy report came back good for the first time since diagnosis: no ulcers (last report, her colon was "fully involved"). Her MS is not currently active, although its effects are ever present with a stumbling gait and neuropathy in her legs (burning). 

I have continued to maintain weight loss throughout the year. THM has been a God-send! I have pulled down 75 pounds all together so far, and I have kept it off. I am sixteen months into my THM and weightloss journey. Over the holidays, I felt very good and had lots of energy. I am so pleased that God has shown me what to do to get healthier.

FAMILY
Our nieces continue to delight us. It brings great joy to me to see them grow up to be sweet, kind, and loving girls. Corrie Lynn has accepted Jesus as her Savior and is such a sensitive doll. Juliana Mae has been learning to be sweet and more tolerant of others. She is a determined and cheerful girl, and her impromptu kisses and declarations of love are heart-melting. Leah Kathleen is our baby, and she knows it! Her main phrase now is, "I don't like it." She loves baby dolls, so Mrs. "Aubee Santa" put together pink bunk doll beds and a high chair for Little Miss' Christmas. It is so cute to watch her play with them!

We are glad Cori and Brian are close by in Magnolia Springs. It makes for a better aunti-life. And Cori's emotional support has been a life-saver for me! :-)

Sarah started dating a fellow named Mark Garcia in August. They are now engaged and planning to be married in March. On the Saturday after Thanksgiving, we all went with her to find a wedding gown. She will be lovely on her special day, and I am one of her maids of honor. This has been a growing experience for the family nucleus and will continue to be so, I believe, as time passes. I love my baby sister and am determined to have the mind of Christ in all things.

I did not quite get my Christmas tree decorated this holiday. We bought a beautiful tall Noble fir right after Thanksgiving, and I put lights on it. But ornaments? No. I was sad that I had no time, and when I did, I did not feel well or had other, more pressing things to do. I told Cori that I should hire her to do my decorating next year! :-) We did put out the lighted Christmas nativity in the yard ( for the first time in many years) and candle lights in all the front windows. And also decorated the school quite nicely earlier in the month.

Mama continues to age. I feel for her increasing feebleness. She helps me care for Tricia and is our main chauffeur. Right now, she has injured her knee, so I am driving them around. I do not like that role, as I am not used to going out so much.

PERSONAL
I am plugging away at my psychology degree. I love my psych classes, as well as my Biblical studies classes. This fall, I took Theories of Personality (loved!) and then Intro to Philosophy (hated!). This spring I take Cognitive Psychology and Psalms. I should love both! I have begun searching for a Masters program that I am interested in, since I am near the end. I am tossing around pursuing a MSW. Regent and Liberty are on the block. Student loans mount, but my trust is in the Lord. He knows what I need and when I need it.

Adding essential oils to my daily routine has been life-saving. I feel better and was able to overcome a bout of depression that tried to oppress me this fall pretty quickly. I am on a better routine of supplements now, as I can afford them.

Instagram and Facebook both saw quite a bit of me, snatches of time here and there. I started The MaryBeeBuzz profile for my Young Living business, as well as established a Young Living website. I read 50% of the Bible through. I had wanted to read it all the way through, but I did better than last year, so that is what I focus on. I did not get to read as much as I would have liked, mostly due to my studies. Most evenings are consumed with reading and writing for classes. I am thankful for holidays and summer terms, free from the grind.

I have decided to make new five and ten year plans. I had thought that by the time I am 45, I wanted to foster or adopt (if I am unmarried). But now I think I will focus on finishing a Masters and then begin familial pursuits. Then maybe I will work on a doctorate in counseling. That could take me to 50, eleven years from now. And my dream of running a family counseling center could be realized.

PLANS FOR 2015
My remodeling project plans for 2015 include the sun porch and lighting and flooring for the kitchen. For the sun porch, it will need tiling, replacing its window, blinds, and painting. I would also like to move towards a total remodel of Cori's old bedroom, removing paneling, putting up drywall, and putting down carpeting, replacing the window and lighting fixtures.

I need to clean out the attics and the second story of the storage shed. These are projects that I hate to tackle on my own.

I have bought a ticket to go to the August Young Living convention and am looking forward to it. In September I will be 40; it seems hard to grasp that I am this old. I do not feel it. I may do something special to celebrate, or go somewhere. Cori and Brian seem to take yearly trips to the Tennessee mountains, so I may treat myself to an early bday gift in the spring.

I will complete 12 more credit hours as well, inching me towards my educational goals. I am also looking forward to several Bible studies, the first of which is Priscilla Shirer's study of Gideon at Hillcrest BC starting in several weeks.

More about my New Year Resolutions later...
Hello, 2015!

hurt shapes

"God the Grand Weaver seeks those with tender hearts to that he can put his imprint on them. Your hurts and your disappointments are part of that design, to shape your heart and the way you feel about reality. The hurts you live through will always shape you. There is no other way."

-Ravi Zaharias in The Grand Weaver

"Having the answers is not essential to living. What is essential is the sense of God's presence during dark season of questioning."

-Calvin Miller, quoted

rambling

Jim Mather reposted a quote the other day about the need for sabbatical rest for the soul. I haven't had much of that in the last ten years since I have been a college/uni student.

So how does a person rest when she doesn't know how? I try to read or listen to music. Reading my Bible is even an exercise since my ADD brain is going in a dozen directions at once. I need more Cedarwood oil!!! :-P Lord, teach me how to rest again; I used to know how. And show me how to rest in You! I read verses like Psalm 5:11-12, "Make everyone rejoice who puts his trust in you. Keep them shouting for joy because you are defending them. Fill all who love you with your happiness. For you bless the godly (wo)man, O Lord; you protect (her) with your ahold of love."

I have decided to start journal blogging again. I think that I need an emotional outlet; I used to be more emotionally stable and think maybe it was because I used to journal and blog regularly. I am also entering premenopause, and it is no joke.

This term, I am having to take a class that I hate. Philosophy is crap...the most worthless knowledge that I have ever had to regurgitate. It's pointless nonsense. I has upset me to spen so much time on something with so little inherent value or application. Can't wait for these next three weeks to be over.

Trish and I are going to pick out a Christmas tree today. I am so thankful that she is on her feet again, albeit wobbly ones but out of that dang sickbed nonetheless. Thank You, Jesus, for that! And for showing us what to do! I feel confident that we are a part of a miracle.

David and Teresa Gingles taught a Young Living training session on Monday night. For some reason, I thought it started at 7, so we were a half hour late. I enjoyed it though. I am catching a vision for where my YL business can take me. I have commuted to a seven-year plan of success and business-building and look forward to where I am going with it! Mom and I took Jill L. And I had gotten tickets for Lee and Pat H, as well. I bought my ticket for next August's YL convention!!! I am excited about that! :-)

today

It has not been a good day. I have experienced a gamut of emotions today...anticipatory, prepared, excited, anxious, irritated, angered, pissed, hurt, marginalized, unloved, and criticized, plus a few more. I have laughed, and I have cried. I put time and effort into creating a Thanksgiving to remember, but few even cared to show up or spend time. I never thought the holidays could ever be this painful; when I was growing up, I thought that Thanksgiving could only get better and better as we added in-laws to the mix. Well, it hasn't worked out that way. It's just been an awful day.

And I have faith and hope that God will work it all for good in my life. He had better. It is all too painful without that hope. Too overwhelming.

Now off to bury my emotion and watch one of my fav films, "Persuasion." I pray the rest of the week gets better!

promises

I am reading the Psalms in the mornings again, the refreshing songs and poems that stir my heart and speak just as much today as they did when I was a child. My childhood and adolescent mornings were spent drowsily reading portions of the Psalms and Proverbs for twenty years. Under the watchful eye of our parents, neither of which had been parented well, we grew up with daily family worship: Scripture reading and prayer. 

Floods of memories of time spent investing in the eternal Kingdom of my heart engulf my mind as I read the Words again and again. Thank You, Abba Father, for them and for the parents who gave us all this priceless gift!

"Those who love Your law have great peace, And nothing causes them to stumble. I hope for Your salvation, O LORD, And do Your commandments. My soul keeps Your testimonies, And I love them exceedingly. I keep Your precepts and Your testimonies, For all my ways are before You." (Psalms 119:165-168 NASB)

let's talk supplements

Those of you who know our family know that some of us are invariably chugging a pile of vitamins and supplements down. This, along with a healthy diet, active life, and presence of the Holy Spirit, has contributed to our health and vitality over the years. The combination of all this has enabled us to successfully run our businesses and live full and happy lives.

Our journey into supplements began when Mom had a stroke in 1993. It was a wake up call. We immediately dove into juicing massive poundage of veggies, grinding and baking with whole grains, drinking purified water, and learning about all the nutrients that not even the best diet can provide. Mom started researching and learning. I remember many late nights pouring over the Drs. Balch books, Prescription for Dietary Wellness and Prescription for Nutritional  Healing. It was not only a wake-up call; it was an education.

So that the why. Here is how we got to where we are now with all this.

Over the years, our supplement-taking ebbed and flowed. Some of us girls went away from home. Periodically we would receive big boxed of supplements and Barley Green powder from back home. Then wjhn back at home, I invested several years into establishing gardens and a chicken brood. As I began to get busier and busier with the school, I had less time to spent on these hobbies and less time to plan meals and organize my health better. It just slipped to the wayside as unimportant. And I started to gain weight and have aches and pains.

Then in 2004, Hurricane Ivan hit. And I developed sciatica in its cleanup aftermath. Let me tell you, that was no picnic. I tried everything, from ice packs & heat pads to anti-inflammatory teas to meds and chiropractor adjustments and finally an ND who knew just what to do to relieve the pain. Now I use Young living essential oils to maintain my pain-free existence. To God be the glory for pointing me in the right direction.

And it was my last visit to Dr. Garry Hendricks, N.D., in Ft. Walton that prompted what came next. As I lay on my stomach on his table during the adjustment, I felt really obese for the very first time ever.  It was fall of 2012. By Christmas I had joined Weight Watchers and lost 15 pounds in 3 months.

And then nothing for the next 3 months. I was faithful to log my food/points, yet nothing was happening. The point logging was time consuming, and I hated it after awhile. Then over the summer I gained it all back. In February I had attendees an Above Rubies ladies treat, where Nancy Campbell mentioned the new book her daughters had just written, Trim Healthy Mama. I bought the book and shelved it. Later that summer, at the prodding of my sister Cori, I read it and started THM officially in August 2013. I have, over time, added to my vitamin and supplement regimen. As my endocrine and digestive systems "reset" themselves, I needed more help with balance and nutrition. So I would hear about "X" that could help with "Y," and I would add it in to see if it helped. And that is where I am at right now.

Here is the how.

Start out small. Five years ago, I started my current regimen with Vitamin C, Barley Max, and a cheap multivitamin from Walmart. Slowly I added to my "bottle basket," including supplements that I knew my body needed. This is what my morning dose looks like now. Now that I have lost almost 60 pounds on Trim Healthy Mama, I know that my health and various body systems DEPEND on my obtaining optimal nutrition from the food I do eat. As I gain strength and energy, I know that I need to fuel my body properly. 

So, I hope that you take the supplement plunge. The research that we did before settling into the brands that we purchase was extensive. They are from the best sources, the most usable and absorbent products for your body, as well as GMO-free and gluten-free as possible.

Take care of yourself, so that you can gain the energy and vitality to take care of those you love. And treat God's Temple right!

devotion

"Do not be led away by diverse and strange teachings, for it is good for the heart to be strengthened by grace, not by foods, which have not benefited those devoted to them." -Hebrews 13:9 (ESV)

My sister Tricia shared this verse with me this week. I had her send it to me because I wanted to study it in context and explore what the Lord might want to say to me. I came to several conclusions.

1) I do not want to be devoted to foods.
I do not want to be devoted to anything, saving Christ. Not THM for me. Not paleo for Trish. Nothing but Him. Jesus as Lord.  Good, fresh, healthy, chemical-free, organic food is very important and is essential to living an active life. It is. But my passion and devotion belong to Jesus.

2) I want my heart to be strengthened by God's grace.
Which is sufficient. I have to trust that, not just believe it. Sufficient...enough...words that grow in meaning and depth the longer I live. My strength does not come from human sources, but from my Creator.

3) I do not want to be led astray by "diverse and strange teachings."
In all my learning and studying and exploring remedies for Tricia's diseases, I will never compromise my faith in Almighty God to save, deliver, and heal. I will not dabble in the reflexology, or any other heathen or humanistic practice that is present in essential oil instruction or any other treatment that I explore.  Thankfully, my local group and upline in YLEO is not into all that!

4) I am thankful.
I an grateful for the THM lifestyle, paleo eating plan, essential oil education, and all other tools for living a healthy, courageous life, but my lifeline and source is Jesus Christ in whom and by whom all things exist. My life depends on Him, my Sustainer, not on what I eat.

So I don't agree with something like this:

preoccupied

I am reading and studying the book of Colossians today, doing an inductive study on it using The Hayford Bible Handbook. Love this resource (thanks for sharing, Mama!).

Some excerpts from my reading:

"Colossians shows that our acceptance before God, and thereby our authority under Him, result from our finding both pardon and position in Christ."

"'In Christ,' each believer has been invited to be a 'joint heir' with Christ, possibly the most amazing proposition in the whole of redemption's provisions."

"For Paul, the lordship of Christ in the believer's life is the most critical and clearest evidence of the Spirit's presence."

"Because the believer is risen with Christ (3:1-4), he is to put off the old man and put on the new (3:5-17), which will result in holiness in all relationships (3:18-25)."

"Colossians sets forth Christ as supreme Lord in whose sufficiency the believers find completeness."

"'Jesus is Lord' is the church's earliest confession. It remains the abiding test of authentic Christianity."

"Ascetic observance does not enhance our standing before God."

"Our preoccupation must be with Jesus Christ and God's Word. Our appeal is to the Holy Spirit, who makes available every gift necessary for our lives and for the liberating work of Christ in the world."

As I read this commentary and these chapters penned by the Apostle Paul, I am stirred with conviction and godly remorse. I don't think that I have followed the three steps here and put off my old man and put on the new completely, so I don't have the result of holiness in all my relationships. I fail miserably here. I do not "walk worthy of the Lord (1:10)."

Just today, I snapped at my sister for criticizing my driving. I just blew up. If my old man is put off, is dug out, and is put to death, then my response would have been a world of different. I have been delivered from the power of darkness by Jesus' work on the Cross (1:13), and I have got to live like it! I am "not to allow anything other than the Word of God to control or judge" me.

Something else come to mind that I constantly need to remember: never allow worldly pursuits to "waste my mental or spiritual energy." I am interested in so many different things, various passions and hobbies. Concentrate, Mary Beth. Set your affections and thinking on Jesus (3:1). 

Jesus has done this work already with His death and resurrection. But it's not enough to know or believe this. I must trust in it and adopt and practice it diligently (3:12-14). Yahweh's purpose is for Jesus to be reproduced in me.

And I need to be more diligent in Bible study and memory/meditation (3:16-17). I need to devote more of my life to prayer (4:2-6). I repent for prayerless days, Lord. My time is Your gift.

seeds

I have been a lifelong supporter of Christian foreign missions. When I was very young, one of the guys in our home fellowship went to the Philippines as a missionary with his new wife. I was intrigued with the idea that a person could leave everyone and everything to share Jesus with others.  Fred was many years older than I and was like an big brother to us in many ways...he sure knew how to tease us! I made cards and wrote him letters for all those years that they were overseas and still have all the letters that he wrote back. Treasures.

Fred Williamson died last year. I had lost contact with him many years ago, back in the mid 90s. He had been very sick, due largely to the drug-laced past that God had been saved him from as a young man. I didn't find out about his passing until after he was gone. I ran across his daughter and ex-wife on Facebook and reconnected. So many years later, but I cried like a baby.

I was ten years old when I attended my first Missions Conference at Liberty Church back in 1986. There was just something about all those sessions of hearing missionary after missionary share about their work among the masses of the world that set my little heart on fire for missionary work. I opened my heart up to God's calling to sharing the Gospel. I raised my hand and pledged $10 a month to support my first missionary family, the McManuses in Bangladesh a few years later.

In recent years, I have been supporting children in the SEED program out of Arise & Shine Academy in the Philippines. The Student Evangelization Education and Development was birthed from the out-of-the-box missionary work of Dirk and Elizabeth Wood, grads of Liberty Bible School back when I was a kid. My first student to graduate from ASA and then college was Angela. She is an wonderful girl who loves the Lord, helps to lead worship in her church, and is now employed as a nurse after completing college and passing her exams. She used to send me the more adorable handmade cards and crafts, and continues to stay in touch with her "Tita Mary Beth." She is precious!

I just received notice that my second girl has graduated now. Hannah is the eldest child of a Filipino pastor and seems to be shy. I started supporting her last year, so I have not had a chance to really get to know her yet, but I plan to support her for as long as she is in college so I'll be able to.

I want to complete GLOBE's Perspectives class one of these springs. Several of my former students have completed it and mentioned to me that I would love it. Perspectives is a class that emphasized our "world-sized" role in God's global purpose for His Church. The course is focused around 4 loci or perspective points: Biblical, historical, cultural, and strategic.  I look forward to taking it one day.

What a blessing it has been to sow into Jesus' Kingdom. I will never know, this side of heaven, who has been won to Christ via my efforts and monetary sacrifices. But it is all nothing, considering I have not given up my life as Jesus did or as some of these missionaries have to serve our Lord. All these seeds will grow and spread like fire. What is done in Christ's name and is grounded in the Gospel will last forever!

So what missionary endeavor do you support right now? What ministry has God asked you to sow into for the furtherance of His Kingdom and the Gospel? The eternal rewards are just that, eternal.

I can think of so many missionaries, both novice and veteran, who need support as finances are stretched across the globe. Several of my friends are embarking on their own journeys as English teachers to share the Good News in a difficult field, a sensitive nation in Southeast Asia. They need support right now, as they are in their fund-raising stage of preparation. Open your heart and wallet to support those that Father places in your path. Contact me on Facebook, and I will be happy to connect you with them! www.facebook.com/marybeebzz

my THM journey so far

When I read Proverbs 31 and Titus 2, passages that specifically list the accomplishments, activities, labors, ministry, and industriousness of godly women, it makes me think that maybe we as the Church have missed something very powerful...God wants His daughters to be equipped and ready to fulfill our ordained roles, doing His work. If we are too heavy (weight and spirits!), depressed, discouraged, sick, diseased, and energy-less, how can we fulfill all of this?!?! 

I love THM and all that it has brought back to my life! Thank You, Lord!

I bought the $35 book at an Above Rubies Ladies Retreat at Camp Baldwin in Elberta, Alabama, last February. Nancy Campbell prayed over me that week, that God would send my Boaz soon and enable me to birth children for God's glory, not just have spiritual children in my line of work/ministry. I spent last summer reading, working in my garden, and catching up in the office. Then Cori (older sister) asked me if I had heard about THM, that she had already started on the THM journey. I laughed and told her that I had the paper version, but hadn't started it yet.

I started reading the 600+ page THM book pretty soon afterwards. The rhema word that the Lord used to spur me towards this was that He wanted me to clean my body-Temple out, in the same fashion as He had commanded the priests to clean the Tabernacle and Temple out daily. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 says, "Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body" (NASB).  He told me that His Temple, my body, has been trashed, and that I had done it. I knew He meant business, so I spiritually saluted and dove in. 

I started on my Trim Healthy Mama journey officially on August 5, 2013. To date, I have lost 45 pounds, the first 35 pounds dropping off pretty fast as I cut out my coffee creamer, breads/muffins/rolls (all white flour products), white potatoes, corn, and tandem fueled home-cooked meals. My cravings started to disappear, especially my evening after-work cravings. Drinking coffee without my go-to creamer was the most difficult change, but after three months or so, I had made that transition smoothly with help from some good flavored K-cup flavors.

I have renewed vigor and valor, energy and strength. I feel good, good, good!!! Basically, THM is a low-glycemic index diet, not low carb or low fat. It is based on the idea that our bodies are NOT made to tandem fuel all the time (there is a place for "crossover" meals but just not constantly). So my meals are either fat-based (S meals) or carb-based (E meals). Delicious food and a new way of cooking and eating for us all the way, baby!

As a side benefit (and since I do most of the cooking and meal planning), Mom has lost about 40 pounds, and Tricia has lost over 25. No more fast-food lunches, no more shakes and donut treats, no more feeling yucky. Yes! to a variety of salads and wraps, dark chocolate and nuts, homemade smoothies and signature drinks. I am not hungry. 

In the beginning, I received a lot of recipe help from bloggers like Gwen's Nest and Stacy Makes Cents. Then Pinterest recipe boards started popping up, and other food bloggers took up the gauntlet. The FB support group for THM is tremendous (although HUGE now!), and Cori and I have hosted several local support meetings for the ladies in the Florida Panhandle area to meet and encourage one another. The next one is coming up in June. I am fueled by a desire to help point women towards what the Lord has helped me to do, get their house--their Temple--in order for the Lord, to empower them to do what He has called them to do, and fan into flame His gifts that have been latent within their hearts. To God be the glory, great thing He has done...and is doing!

My weight loss is not just a few pounds, nor is it baby-weight or other short-term weight. My weight is lifelong weight. I have been almost 6 feet tall and over 200 pounds for almost twenty years now. What has taken a long time to accumulate should take awhile to come off if it is to stay off. 

I've come a long way, and I am not done yet!

sunday before next

Today, I intentionally did no house chores. Yes, indeed. No cleaning or laundry or spending the day in the kitchen. Purposely.

Instead, I woke early and read for an hour. I am tackling the Wahl Protocol book (to find answers for Tricia's autoimmune issues) and Brennan Manning's book, again. :-) 

On a side note...I happened to see that the movie about Rich Mullins was at Walmart. I knew that it was being made, but I didnt realize that it was coming out so soon. It was exactly how I thought it would be. Manning played in several scenes; he made a big impact on Mullins' life and healing from life wounds. The music and story were splendid.

Back to this morning: I brewed some ginger and cinnamon tea and made toast for breakfast. I gave Meg a soothing doggie bath first off. She has been having an allergy attack of some sort, scratching and gnawing at herself. We've got a new soap bar that I tried on her. Then I gardened and planted and weeded off and on all day. I planted my tomato plants (three kinds), green bell pepper plants, daisies, begonias, impatiens, and henna coleus. Blew leaves off the back patio and set it up for grilling. Also cleaned up the front porch and planted the pots there.

Came in long enough to whip up a new-to-me recipe for shrimp and crab étouffée over oven-baked tilapia and steamed cauliflower. For my first try, it was delicious!!! I was so pleased...have been planning that meal for weeks now!

So plans for revamping the front street-scape are starting to take shape. Mom got the first cherry red Knock Out rose bush yesterday which I planted today. I think it will look good, once I get the whole line put in. We are going to alternate the roses with a red-leaf bush of Japanese origin (I forget the name).

My efforts to tackle my looooong list of various projects are taking shape. :-)

trouble in the kingdom

On Friday, I had stepped out of the school to momentarily speak to one of my dads (he is paraplegic). While I was out, two of our girls had a cat fight...one started it thoughtlessly, and the other came unglued. It was awful. I was immediately irritated and disturbed that they had even scrapped at all. I spoke to them about pursuing peace and  not getting easily provoked. I appealed to their claiming to be Christians, following Jesus' command to turn the other cheek, and having the Holy Spirit inside to guide them. Nothing. Nada. Nothing got through to them. It was so immature, so "I'm-gonna-tell-my-mama-when-I-get-home" adolescent behavior on both girls' part. They kept going at it until it was disturbing several different teachers' tutoring lessons, and I had to raise my voice to quiet them down. It was awful (have I said that before?!).

As the day wore on, I became angry at the two girls, especially when I found out that in response to my quoting of Jesus' instruction to turn the other cheek and not "getting people back," she had retorted some diatribe about how her mama had taught her to hit back if she was hit. I felt defeated, increasingly ticked off as the day went on. Then that night, I read this verse (Matt. 5:7) on Facebook, and the  Lord said to me, "Simmer down! This is not about you. It's about My work in these girls' lives. It's about Me."

So now I am armed. Since it is an official "school incident" and has to be written up, they will be copying Scriptures that apply to their offenses and writing apology letters. We're headed into the last two weeks of the school year, for crying out loud. My mercy levels are tapped out, so hold me, Jesus!

pain in the rear

This is the time of year that my sciatica starts being a "pain in the rear," literally.:-P

I spend most of my waking hours sitting, either sitting at home (studying or reading or watching tv) or sitting at work (tutoring or working on e-mails or transcripts in the office). My back ain't what it used to be, darn Hurricane Ivan cleanup. I need Dr. Garry Hendricks to move back in the more local locale!!!! Whaaaa! Ft. Walton Beach is just too far to drive for one of his acupressure-miracle-working-adjustments! So relieving.

Trim Healthy Mama life and losing 42 pounds has made a HUGE difference in my energy and activity levels. I can garden for hours, up and down, crawling around on the ground, back-bending over weeds and hauling, digging, pulling and trimming. I am feeling so much better! And yet this sciatica threatens.

I am starting to use Young Living Essential Oils...this month is my first as a Member. I am excited about it! They have an oil blend called Pan-Away for pain. I also LOVE the Frankincense and Stress Away oils. Mmm.

Garden prep is coming along slowly. Very slowly. Every weekend it either rains or I am busy with an uni exam or the nieces are visiting. Oh, well. Can't do everything. And I gotta spend time with these lovies, all the time that I can! <3

My adorable nieces!